Saturday, July 30, 2011

I WANT A WIFE THAT WILL BUILD NOT DESTROY

by Aziza Uko

"AZIZA, I AM a minister of God, called of God. I have a clear mandate from God. I am a prophet and a teacher. I feel a big burden to fulfill my ministry. I know I need a wife to help me on this mission but I am being very careful. I don’t want to marry someone who will come and destroy my destiny. How do I know a woman who will work with me to build my ministry and not destroy it?” – Kenneth R. D.

You have to first understand the nature of your calling. When God calls a man, He calls Him to do a work which is part of His big agenda. So putting yourself in the centre of God’s agenda by doing what He sent you is the key to fulfilling your destiny in ministry. Obedience is the first step in this direction. If God has called you, begin to obey Him and grace will come to do the work. Remember that it is not your job, nor your work, nor your agenda. It’s God’s and He is capable of executing His plan.

In no place in the Bible did God say that the fulfillment of a divine assignment is dependent upon the person one marries. Doing so amounts to bringing God to ridicule by placing his auction at the mercy of the weakness of a human being.

When God calls a man, He releases grace to fulfill that assignment and that grace is extended to his wife, his children, and all who join hands with Him to fulfill the mandate. No human being has the power to interrupt God's agenda.

If a minister’s wife exhibits human failings in her behaviour these are the things you must note:
1. She’s human and can make mistakes.
2. The minister is not perfect either, but it pleased God to use him.
3. No other minister is perfect, yet we have ministers who are succeeding.
4. The man's ministry has not failed. What happens is that grace comes.

I know that it is a popular teaching that a people’s destiny depends on who they marry. It’s a wrong teaching that have been circulating for years in the church which has led to the current high rate of confusion in Christian marriages. So, everybody is looking out for that person who will not interfere with their glorious destiny. Many of such comments have no scripture to back them up yet people believe them to the extent of taking decisions that frustrate their lives.

TRUTH: God does not place your destiny in the hands of anybody except yourself. Your destiny is influenced by only two people - yourself and God.

The Word of God is clear on making a choice of life partner - marry a Christian whom you like. The choice is yours. Just make sure you marry from God's family. The success of your marriage depends on you ALONE and nobody else. It takes ONLY YOU to make your marriage work. It does not depend on who you marry but on what YOU DO in your marriage.

The fulfillment of your divine assignment depends on YOU and the decisions you make and the actions you take and not on anybody else. The Bible teaches responsibility. What you become and everything you need to become what you want to become is all inside of you, not outside of you.

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(c) 2013, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

HOW DO I KNOW GOD HAS CALLED HIM?

by Aziza Uko


“Aziza, a friend of mine told me that God has called him to ministry. He said God spoke to him. But I feel uneasy about it the whole thing? How do I confirm that God truly called him and he is not making this up? – Luna Rivers

First, all Christians are called to the work of Christ. Yet there are those who have dedicated their lives to work of the ministry. There are those who received a special mandate from God. Some people are drawn to the work of the ministry. Some are moved to work for God. There is room for all.

When a person tells us that God called her and gave her a specific assignment, it is not our place to question the call. It falls under the region of “personal testimonies”. You don’t argue a personal testimony. At the same time, you don’t have to “follow” the person if you don’t want to. But don’t disprove the calling – you were not there when the person was called neither does the Caller seek clarification from you before calling someone. If you are really troubled, just ask the Holy Spirit and He will tell you what you need to know.

One thing is sure - God confirms His Word at all times. When He gives someone an assignment or a mandate – the sign will be evident. There will undeniable proof of the hand of God over the person’s life especially in the area of his calling. Testimonies must follow.

My Pastor rejoices at our testimonies and he tells us, “Your testimonies are my own reward”. That is why you often see pastor very excited when people give testimonies of how God used their ministries to change people’s lives. Some people get upset about it and think the pastor is boasting. It’s a lack of understanding. Testimonies are confirmation from God that He truly sent the preacher or pastor. Ministers need to hear that God is doing what He said He would do. So, don’t shy away from sharing testimonies with your pastor. It encourages him and lets him know that he is doing the right thing.

When people outline a mandate they have from God – it has to be backed up by scripture. God will not call someone to do something contrary to His word or to do something that only He can do. He will not call someone for instance into “deliverance ministry” because no human being can deliver another. He will not call people to cast out demons from His children because His children don’t have demons.

But He calls people to “preach the Word of Faith” which is in line with the global mandate that Jesus has given all Christians in Matthew 28 v 18 - 20. “Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

HOW DOES GOD SPEAK TO US?

by Aziza Uko

AS FAR AS we know, God has not told us, “I am the LORD God, I speak like this or I reveal Myself like this.” So, it is not possible for any person to make a conclusive statement on how God speaks. To attempt to do so would amount to limiting God.

From the scriptures, we can see God communicating in diverse ways as it pleased Him. In person He visited and spoke to Adam and Eve. He spoke to Cain. He spoke to Noah. He spoke to Abraham and visited him in person. He sent angels with messages to people in the Old Testament. He showed Pharaoh a dream. He spoke to Moses Himself and through a cloud. He sent an angel to Daniel. He used handwriting on the wall to deliver a message to a heathen king. He sent prophets to kings. Through a donkey to a corrupt priest, He spoke. He showed Ezekiel a vision. He spoke audibly from heaven endorsing His Son, Jesus Christ. He came in person and walked the earth as a man giving us the most powerful messages of salvation. He showed Peter a dream. He spoke audibly to Apostle Paul. He showed the book of Revelations to John.

To narrow down how God communicates to His creation to one method or a few media is to deny Him who He is. He is a creative God, the intricate design of creation was done by Him. God’s imagination is fascinating. He is an intriguing person. He cannot be put in a box. He designed the rose, the banana tree, and the cactus plant. He created the minerals of the earth. He created the ant, the elephant, the whale, and man. He created the orange, the cocoa plant, the almond, and cashew. He made the moon, the sun, the earth, and all the planets and their moons.

God can speak to anybody (believer or non-believer) in any way that He wishes to.

Jesus Christ said, “My sheep hear my voice.” God’s children hear His voice. When God speaks, it’s undeniable. His children hear Him and know it is He because He lives in you in the person of the Holy Spirit.


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(c) 2013, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

Friday, July 29, 2011

HOW DO I PRAY A MARRIAGE PRAYER – Part II

by Aziza Uko

Yesterday, I posted a message on how to pray a marriage prayer. It is necessary to also post a message on how NOT TO PRAY a marriage prayer because our Christian space has been invaded with so many wrong practices in prayer. These are general principles of prayer but since the message is on marriage, I may use marriage illustrations.

First, I know a lot of exercises have been invented in the area of prayer in Christianity so much that a lot of unlearning has got to take place. If we agree as Christians that the Bible is the only authority and that Jesus is our only example, it will be very easy for us to establish right teaching. No matter how respected a man is, anointed, or followed, if he teaches something outside what the Bible teaches or contrary to what the Bible teaches, or gives a testimony or sets an example that is not in the Bible, we should follow Jesus and the Bible and leave the man’s ideas for him. Agreed? Okay.

What is prayer? Prayer is communication with our Heavenly Father.

Do not engage in vain repetitions. That is what the heathens do hoping that their God will hear them by their constant repetition. Matthew 6: 7 – 8. So repeating your request over and over again, dancing around, and clapping your hands, screaming at the top of your voice, swinging your head from side to side vigorously, upsetting everyone around you is not the way to pray. Matthew 6:6 “But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.”

Prayer points are guidelines not words to be repeated over and over again verbatim in some crazy chant. That’s how occultists pray. Don’t pray like that, please. Just have a gentle and passionate conversation with your Heavenly Father, tell him how you feel about Him and what you want from Him. He is not far away from you. You don’t have to shout to be heard. Pray like Jesus prayed, calm, deliberate, confident that His father heard Him always.

You don’t need to “storm the gates of Heaven”. There is no such thing in the scripture. There is no such thing as violent prayers or dangerous prayers. Jesus taught us how to pray, please follow His guidelines.

Prayer is not something you do “against” something or somebody. Prayer is communication with your Heavenly Father who told you to come boldly to the throne and grace and obtain mercy. No need to storm the gates of Heaven, push your way through. No such thing. “Come boldly to the Throne.” How do you approach a King, do you jump around, knobbing your head, chanting the same word over and over again? No. You walk down with reverence. How does a child of a King approach him? He moves with confidence that Daddy will hear me and give me what I want. How does a child ask his father for something? He asks with faith because he knows that his father will do what he wants. He doesn’t pester his father, cry and fall down and roll around the floor. No! He just says, “Daddy, please bring back the book you promised me. Daddy, thank you. Daddy, I love you.” This is why good dads do everything they can to keep their word to their children. You see this theme repeated over and over again in Hollywood movies. That’s how your Heavenly Father is to you. Jesus said it, that if we who are evil know how to give good gifts to our children how much more our Heavenly Father. It’s powerful and amazing! Matthew 7:7-11

Don’t pray with desperation. God doesn’t respond to your desperation. He responds to your faith.

Don’t speak to any being except your Heavenly Father. Don’t speak to people “Anybody withholding my blessings.” NO! Nobody is withholding your blessings by the way. No human being has such power to withhold the blessings of a child of the Most High God. “Satan, I rebuke you.” No! Which part of your Heavenly Father is Satan? “Father, I bind the demons resisting my marriage.” No! Your Heavenly Father doesn’t sit with demons on His throne. I have good news, no demon is resisting your marriage. No demon is stealing your blessings. Those are ideas from hell. How can a demon step in and stop God from blessing His precious child? It’s impossible. You don’t resist the devil in prayer. The war is not one of prayer. That’s why there is no such thing as “warfare prayers”. Are you fighting with God? Communication with the devil, witches, demons, enemies, or evil uncles is not prayer. Prayer is communication with your Heavenly Father.

[Forget the devil! He is defeated. Jesus messed him up real bad. He is a toothless, powerless, shamed, condemned criminal. He is a bastard, a vagabond nonsense full-of-rubbish person just moving about the earth without purpose. He has no say whatsoever in your life or your affairs. Jesus put him right where he belongs, under YOUR FEET!]

John 16: 26 and 27: At that day ye shall ask in my name: and I say not unto you, that I will pray the Father for you: 27 For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.

See how Jesus prayed and even taught us to pray. Wonderful example of how to approach your Heavenly Father. Read John 17. Beautiful prayer. No stress. No use of strength to pray. No pressure to receive the answer. Total confidence in His Father, our Father. Before Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead in John 11, He prayed. “Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me.” Then he said with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth.” The command to Lazarus was not part of his prayer. When he said his prayer he did not shout or say it with a loud voice. He lifted up His eyes and said Father, I thank you because you have heard me. Powerful!

Let Jesus be our perfect example. The LORD’s prayer is the ultimate prayer guide. God always hears you. God does not deliberately withhold anything that we need that He has from us. God does not enjoy watching you suffer. God does not delight in your pain. God loves you and wants you to be happy. “Ask that you may receive that your joy may be full.” Don’t be anxious for anything, but in prayer and supplication commit them to your Heavenly Father. If you ask you receive. Believe God’s word. Come to Him in confidence. You don’t need to increase your faith. In the Bible people asked Jesus to increase their faith, what did He tell them? If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain “be thou removed” and you will see what you say. Nothing shall be impossible for you. All you need is a faith as small as a mustard seed. Matthew 17:20

Let’s read the Bible from a blank sheet. Unlearn all you have learnt and read the Bible again. You will discover wonderful things.

So, very important:

1. No back-to-sender prayers, curse breaking, cancelling of ordinances, binding of any demons or powers, no talking to evil birds or trees, no sending out thunder or fire to destroy anything. Stop it.
2. Don’t speak to anybody but your Heavenly Father. Don’t speak to demons or people or devils.
3. Don’t do vain repetitions. Ask once, believe that you have received, thank Him and be expectant. Be like Jesus. You are operating in His realm.
4. Don’t ask for vengeance from God. Don’t remind Him that vengeance is His own. He knows His job. Pray for your enemies the way Jesus showed you – “Father, forgive them.” Pray for their salvation that they may see the light that you have seen and come to repentance. Bless them and ask God to grant their hearts desires, that He should have mercy on them and lead them into His peace. That’s a true Christian prayer.
5. Find out what the Word of God says about your situation and pray accordingly. God will not change His Word because of your prayer.
6. Spend time in thanksgiving and praise. Tell Him how you feel about Him. Let Him know that you love Him so much. It’s just you and Him in the room. He is right there sitting with you because when you give thanks and praise you enter into the Throne room of our King. Unleash your heart to Him. Then thank and praise Him again.
7. Have confidence in God, confidence that He hears you. Don’t be afraid. Nothing can harm you. Nothing can steal your blessings. Nothing can delay your blessings. Your time is now. Believe. Just believe.

Our God is good, He is your Father, He loves you so much, more than anything else in the whole world! Never forget that.


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

COMMON TEACHINGS ON MARRIAGE - RIGHT OR WRONG?

by Aziza Uko

"EMOTIONS FLUCTUATE, CHARACTER doesn't."
This is so wrong. Character can fluctuate. It’s not as erratic as emotions. But it is also not fixed. Many people have been disappointed by the “changed” character of their spouse after marriage. Some even say that their spouse was pretending. Not necessarily. People do change. What forms character is not fixed, when it changes, character changes accordingly.

"Emotions are in the soulish realm, and unless the carnal mind has been renewed, Satan can give us emotions or feelings of love for someone of his choosing. If he did not have this in his power, he could not split up marriages."
Satan doesn’t have this kind of power. He can't give anyone any kind of emotions. Our emotions are controlled by our thoughts. That is why if you have a positive perception of a person, you tend to love the person. If you have a negative perception of the person, you tend to hate the person. Satan doesn’t have the power to make a choice for you and impose feelings of any kind in your heart about the person. That’s giving him too much credit. You make choices on your own and permit thoughts that are unwholesome to remain in your mind and when they take root, they become the strong hold that the Bible talks about pulling down.

Satan doesn’t have power to split up marriages. Why marriages split up is because the people in the marriage think wrong things, believe wrong things, put wrong things to practice, and eventually take a final wrong decision that splits the marriage. Satan hates marriage, he hates peace, he hates man. If he had a tiny bit of power to split marriages, be rest assured that there would not be any marriage left in existence.

"One of his favorite techniques is to suddenly take away the feelings one once had for his mate and give feelings for someone else."
Again, you should know that Satan had no such power. Who would he spare if he did?

""Falling" in love is Satan's way. The very expression of these words should tell us something. A Christian should not blindly "fall" into any trap. Love is bigger than simply falling for someone."
This is kind of confusing and this teaching is the cause of a lot of confused feelings among Christians. Some Christians have come to equate intense emotional love as evil, causing many to hold back the very thing that God created to enable them keep their marriages. It’s amazing how the enemy turns things upside down. Emotional love is a good thing, created by God. But, God permits it only in marriage. “Falling in love” is not evil in itself. It’s falling in love with one that you are not married to that is the problem. It’s not actually “falling”, and it’s within your control to have emotional love for who you want. It doesn’t work blindly as the world likes to describe it.

"Certainly, the Lord gives us a wonderful emotional feeling for the one we are to marry. However, this "feeling" without God's direction can be disastrous as Satan can tamper with our emotions and feelings too."
Everything we do and have comes from God. But it is not like God is hanging around distributing emotional love in our hearts. He has given us power to love whom we want to love. That’s why He commands us to do it. If it were not so, He would have said that He will give us the power Himself, like He said He gives us the power to make wealth. In this case, it’s a command to do. Love is within our control. Don’t go praying for emotional feelings, think positively about your spouse, do intimate things together, be kind and considerate to your spouse and you will grow your emotional love. Satan can only drop thoughts in your heart about your spouse. Knock those negative thoughts out immediately they come and replace them with positive thoughts. He doesn’t have the power to “take away the love you have for your spouse”. You don’t have to have emotional love for the person you want to marry. God doesn’t require it. What He requires is that you love who you marry. God’s direction is generic – marry a Christian that YOU like. So, God is not going to direct you to any particular person.

"Marriage, in a Christian's life, should be based on a decision directed by the Holy Spirit. A Christian's love for another is a commitment."
The direction will never ever tell you, “Susan is your wife.” “Ben is not your husband.” The direction will come in the form of being led to have encounters with Christians you could marry. If you make a choice of a Christian, you will have peace in your heart concerning the person.

"Of course, the Lord will supply the emotions for the mate He sends, but that should not be the criterion for making the decision to marry. The Lord should be sought, and whatever He speaks to us we should do. He knows the future and what is best for us. If we trust Him He will not fail us in this or any other important area."
The danger of waiting for the Lord to speak the way we want is untold. Because He will not say whatever we want Him to say. He will never say someone is yours. He will not interfere in your right to choose. When you make your choice, He will not come and tell you “you are right or you are wrong”. If you are making a wrong decision, you will not have peace about it. You will be troubled in your heart about the decision. That’s a good sign to reconsider.


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

HOW SHOULD I PRAY A MARRIAGE PRAYER?

by Aziza Uko

"ARE THERE ANY prayer points a believer should pray before stepping into marriage?"

The first and only prayer about marriage that was prayed in the Bible was done by Abraham's servant, Eliezer and God answered the prayer immediately. Eliezer's prayer is recorded in Genesis 24. (A chapter worth reading by those who wish to know more about marriage).

He prayed to the God of Abraham, he prayed for speed, he prayed that God would show kindness to Abraham. He asked for a sign. The Bible records that "It came to pass, before he has done speaking, that behold, Rebekah came out."

In our dispensation, we don't ask for a sign, our LORD Jesus changed that. We don't do fleecing, because we have the Holy Spirit to tell us what to do or bear witness with our spirit. When our LORD Jesus came He taught us how to pray in the verses now called "The Lord's Prayer". There is a secret of prayer. There are conditions for having all your prayers answered. But you must pray a prayer aright. (James 4 v 3 says we don't get what we asked for because we prayer amiss).

You must pray according to the Word of God. If you ask God, for instance, to do something that He does not do or that is not in line with His nature or His Word, you will never get an answer. When you understand the Word of God on prayer and God's will concerning it, you would align your prayer accordingly and therefore pray aright and the scriptures record that God answers a marriage prayer immediately.

It is proper to call on the God of Abraham. It is proper to claim the same speed that He gave Abraham's servant because you are a child of Abraham and you enjoy the same blessings. It is also proper to pray for grace, to pray for favour, to pray that He leads you, to pray for the finances to meet your marriage obligation. It is proper to pray that God would reveal to you the right knowlegde that you need to be empowered to marry.

It is proper to pray that God would lead you to His child. It is proper to pray that when you meet the person, your spirit will bear witness that you have found the one for you. It is proper to pray that He would release wisdom and grace on you both to build a home together. It is proper to pray that God would bless you marriage and enable you to work for the Kingdom.

What is most important is that you believe that you have received what you prayed for. When you are led to the right person, trust God that He did not lead you astray, and move on with your marriage plans. Don't go into another round of intense prayer and fasting - it amounts to unbelief.


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

WHO CHOOSES A SPOUSE – ME OR GOD?

by Aziza Uko

THE SCRIPTURE SHOULD be the final authority for any doctrine or belief by a Christian. There are some who teach that God will “reveal” or choose a wife or husband for a Christian. That doesn’t happen. There are no scriptural verses to support such a teaching.

Again there are those who testify of being told who their wife or husband is, some say they were given a name, some say God described her, some say that God revealed to their pastor, God revealed in a dream, and so many other such testimonies. Personal testimonies are just that; personal testimonies. We don't base our faith and doctrines on personal testimonies. Sometimes, people mis-communicate. We base our doctrines on the Word of God.

A close examination of the Word of God reveals that the right of choice rests with the individual. God did not choose Eve for Adam. Adam choose Eve by himself from an impressive of variety of options. There is no Bible story that points to God choosing a wife for a man. The right of choice lies with you.

God, however, has commanded that His children marry from His family. After that, “let them marry who they like”. Marry a Christian whom you like. That’s the Word of God.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” A man has got to find his wife. God will not find a wife for you. You do the finding, God releases the favour.

“The steps of the righteous are directed by the LORD.” God will create an encounter for you, but He will not choose anyone for you. When you make a right choice, you will have peace in your heart concerning it.

"Can God ever stop his child from marrying his (the child's choice) for any reason?" God doesn't stop anybody from obeying His instructions. If a Christian makes a choice in line with the God's directive, God will not stop the person. If God promises a reward for anybody who finds a wife, [God motivates His children to marry by promising them a reward], why would He stop them from marrying?


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

DID YOU MARRY A BAD WIFE?

THE SCRIPTURE SAYS that he who finds a wife finds a good thing, not he who finds a good wife. A wife is a wife and every wife is a good thing.

It is common to hear some brothers who don’t have a mastery of their homes bemoaning their choice of wife. Some say they made a mistake, some say they married a bad wife, some said that they even married a marine agent sent to destroy their destiny.

They are all so wrong. Any wife you find, is a good thing. When a Christian marries a Christian, God releases favour and blessing. You have a role to play in applying God's Word in your marriage. God has given clear instructions on how to run your marriage for your own benefit. The application of God's Word guarantees marital bliss.

There is no perfect person. You are not perfect, your wife is not perfect, no other person you could have married is perfect. So, a human imperfection doesn't make a person a bad person.

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. Every wife is good, so every wife is a gift from above. So, it is right to thank God for giving you your wife. This doesn't mean that God makes the choice of your wife. You do.

NB – Brothers who fear getting married to a marine agent or an agent are often brothers who say they are in the “deliverance” ministry. If you keep on sniffing out demons for a living, you are going to end up in hell. Change your job description to one of unleashing the supernatural power of God and you will experience angelic experiences in your life.

SHOULD I BE ASHAMED OF MY DESIRE TO MARRY – PART III

TRUTH: God has not created anybody special for you. God has not set any special date that you will marry. God is not keeping you single. The devil is not keeping you single, the bastard has no such power. There is no curse in your family keeping you single. Nothing you forefathers did is keeping you single. There’s no ordinance in your family keeping you single. Nobody whom you refused to marry in the past placed a curse on you. You don’t have spirit wife or spirit husband that is preventing you from marrying. You are not single because you insulted a man of God once upon a time somewhere. You are not single because of a premarital sexual encounter. You are not single because you don’t have faith. You decide when you will marry. You have to make a choice of who to marry and when to marry.

Some people say that God showed them who to marry. There are those who say they heard a voice tell them that someone is their wife. Some say they saw it in a dream. Some say it was revealed to their pastors or parents. Some even say they were given the name of their spouse. Those are all personal stories which cannot be verified. We thank God for their lives and we move on.

The Word of God is the standard for all Christians to follow. Jesus' testimony is the only one that counts. No matter how inspiring a man's personal testimony, it cannot defeat the Word of God.

God leads you to someone who could be your spouse, but you have to make your choice. That is the Word of God. God does not choose a spouse for anybody. God does not have a special person He created for anybody.

Contrary to popular belief and teaching - God did not create Eve to marry Adam or Adam to marry Eve. He created Eve after Adam had looked around from all other creatures God made for him and could not find a help meet. When God created Eve, it was not to make Adam marry her. But He presented Eve to Adam, just has He had done of so many animals before. It was when Adam choose Eve that the institution of marriage was created.

If God does not choose your spouse for you. He therefore will not set a date for you to marry. If God permits your freewill to work in any situation, it therefore means He will not fix a time for you to take a decision you and only you will take.

The most important decision a human being can make is not the choice of who to marry, contrary to popular teaching - it is the decision to accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour and become born-again. That's the decision that causes heaven to erupt in joy, not the choice of spouse. If God does not force you to give your life to Jesus, why would He then force you to marry on a certain day.

There's no record in the Bible where God choose a wife for anybody or commanded anybody to marry a particular person.

There are some who say that if they did not marry the particular person that they did, their life would have been so bad. Or if they did not marry at the time they did, they would have been divorced by the day of the testimony. Again, another personal testimony, but this one can be examined.

Nobody can ever know the outcome of a decision the person did not take. Let me say it another way - If an event that would have set a particular future in place, never happened, then there’s no telling what the future would have been. If you did not marry Jane in 1987, but rather you married Mary in 1995, you can never for sure tell what would have happened if you married Jane in 1987. Conclusions on a future which is dependent on you taking a particular decision at a certain time which you did not take has no basis.

If you did not give your life to Jesus or answer God's call at the time you did, your life would have taken a different turn, no doubt about it. But you can't conclusively fill in all the blanks of the details of how your life would have been. You can for sure say that you would have been unsaved - the Word of God says that - but you cannot say for instance, I would have been jobless or divorced or poor. Only God knows that. So, you can't tell if you got married earlier what would have happened to your marriage by now.

Some people say that you have to work on yourself, become a better Christian, get close to God. When you are “full”, you will get married. It sounds right, but it is wrong.

Marriage is God's creation. But it is not a Christian institution. God created marriage for man. Christians often get things mixed up. Jesus Christ was a Jew. He was not a Christian for instance. Hindus, Budhists, traditionalists, even the fools (those that say in their heart, there is no God) get married. So, teaching single sisters that they have to be “better” Christians in order to get married is deceptive and destructive. Often the person teaching this is married, and he or she is not a perfect Christian. Sometimes, he is not even as good a Christian as the single people he is preaching to. What qualifies him to give that lecture is that he is married.

If prostitutes (at least everybody can confirm they sin everyday) get married, some even continue in their business after marriage and still remain married, then why should Christian sisters have to work on themselves to get married?

If the person teaching such did not get married as a result of reward for faithfulness or service, then it is wrong to tell other Christians that they somehow have to earn the right to be married.

There are some that discourage you from pressing for your desire. They say God is to be loved and not used.

The TRUTH: The Word of God holds the answers to every human question. If someone has a problem or a question. What the person needs is an answer and Jesus is that answer. It doesn't mean that is all that Jesus is. If a Christian has cancer, is there anything wrong in him seeking healing? If he asks questions of a fellow Christian and the person gives him the Word he needs to apply to solve get is healing. Does that mean that the preacher is trying to use Jesus?

Some tell you to read your Bible and pray hard and fast. Then all your marital problems will be solved. If one is unhappy in his marriage, “Brother, pray, read the Bible, meditate on it, fast and pray, get close to your pastor, don’t miss fellowship. It is well.” If one is divorced and seeks a reconciliation, “Brother, pray, read the Bible, meditate on it, fast and pray, get close to your pastor, don’t miss fellowship. It is well.” If one has never received a marriage proposal in her life, “Sister, pray, read the Bible, meditate on it, fast and pray, get close to your pastor, don’t miss fellowship. It is well.” Can that be the answer to those problems?

Don't all Christians fellowship? Don't we all pray? Don't we read the Bible? Don't we have pastors whom we talk to all the time? Don’t we fast? How much is the right quantity? If an activity that goes with being a Christian is the answer to singleness or marital challenges, then all Christians would be happily married, don't you think?

How does doing more of the same thing produce a new result?

Reading the Bible is good, very good. Prayer is extremely good. Fasting is very beneficial. Fellowshipping with the saints is awesome. But everything has its place and uses. Salvation has its place and its own principle in the Word of God. No matter how you pray, you can't be saved. No matter how you read the Bible, you can't be saved. If you like, live in the church, have a relationship with all the pastors in this world, you cannot be saved till you do what the Word of God says you need to do to be saved.

Prayer and Bible reading does not guarantee long life. What does is the first commandment with a promise.

Applying the Word of God to resolve a challenge in one's life is not using God. God Himself made the provision for your rescue and completeness in His Word before you came around. It is a free gift, given for your benefit. If you refuse to use the right tools, you will suffer like one who does not have the right tool. So, don't let anybody who does not have the right word for your situation deceive you into rejecting the right word and remaining where you are.

The only cure for a problem is the solution to that problem.

When God identified Adam's loneliness - God did not rest until Adam found his help meet. So, therefore, when you activate God, capture His attention on your situation, move the heavens on your behalf - He will not rest till you are married.

Our God, Jehovah is His covenant name, He loves it when we turn Him on. He invited us to call on Him, prove Him, and bring Him into a situation. God is not moved by your trials or struggles or your tears - He is moved by a challenge to His integrity.

Learn how to move God. What moves Him?

SHOULD I BE ASHAMED OF MY DESIRE TO MARRY? - PART II

GOD, OUR MAKER said "it is not good for man to be alone." If God said something is not good, it therefore means it is not good. There’s no other Word. It is not good. God’s Word can never change. For political correctness, preachers are forced to say that there’s nothing wrong in being single. But, what does God say? Who's word will you believe?

It is popular teaching that you can be okay when you are single as long as you use your singlehood to serve God. It's not correct. Such a teaching is not from God. Married people serve God too. There is no place where God said that married people serve Him less than single people. If God says something is not good, how can a man be countering God's word that it is good?

Being single is not a curse. Everybody is born single. However, embracing singlehood is a journey down desperation and sadness. That's the truth. That's why anybody who says "Being single is awesome has a "but" coming up later in his story."

It doesn't mean that if you have come of age and you are still single you are cursed or anything of the sort, it just means that if you desire to marry, it is healthy and taking steps to get married without delay is a wise move.

The only answer to the kind of loneliness that yearns for a companion of the opposite sex is marriage. No amount of consolation or diversionary tactics will work. All efforts to cure loneliness beside marriage offers temporary reprieve. The cure to singleness is marriage. I am not saying this to make anybody unhappy but to open your eyes to the reality of God's word.

Man cannot be wiser than God. The cure for loneliness (being alone) is not reading the Bible and worshipping God, it is getting married. "It is not good for man to be alone, let Us make an helpmeet for him." God could have said, “Let us give him the Bible to read.” When God made that statement about Adam, Adam walked with God and was visited by God every day. He saw God face to face. Yet, God still said it is not good that Adam was alone.

All the said "joys" of singleness are also available to married people. People often point to texts by Apostle Paul to praise singleness. It's a grave error because Apostle Paul said at the opening and repeated again at the closing of that text that he was speaking for himself not God. So, those verses are not the word of God but Apostle Paul's own personal philosophy.

So, stop trying to manage loneliness. It will not work. Get married. If you are interested, keep watching this space, the knowledge exposed here will empower you to get married without any delay. Your eyes and mind will be opened to the power God has placed in you and you will learn how to activate it. Within one year of walking in this knowledge, if you so desire, you will be married.

If you desire to marry, God is not keeping you single. The devil is not keeping you single. Your ignorance is keeping you single. Free yourself from the chains that hold your mind. Walk into the liberty of the truth of God’s Word. You have control over to whom and when you get married. The WORD OF GOD works 100% of the time. Contact the right knowledge. Don't join people to question the Word of God. Embrace it. Do it and it will work for you.

SHOULD I BE ASHAMED OF MY DESIRE TO MARRY?

“There are times there are altar calls for singles in my church who wish to get married. I am always ashamed to go forward because I don’t want to look desperate. I am single, 37, and I have tried to get married a number of times, each time the relationship crashed. I have even done introduction for a sister, but the relationship still crashed. I am kind of desperate now, because I don’t want to end up 40 and unmarried. But, I still feel that going out for the altar prayer call for singles makes me look desperate. It’s usually ladies who go out for such things. Am I right?” – Brother James (not real name)

This is the story of many young singles. There’s nothing wrong in having a strong desire to marry. Just like there is nothing wrong in having a strong desire to have children or get wealthy or get a job or succeed in life. It is a healthy desire especially for young adults who have come of age.

There are some who try to make you feel comfortable with your singleness. Such people try everything to make you overturn your desire to marry and embrace singleness. Such teaching attempts to make you feel like there’s something wrong with your desire. There are others who make you feel terrible if you are single. Some even blame your singleness on you saying you have not yet come into your fullness, because when you do, you will marry. In the process of trying to make you feel okay about your unmet desire to marry, some even talk down marriage and sex. They try to belittle marriage and sex. Some even tell you that marriage is not a cure for loneliness.

Good news: There is nothing wrong with having a very strong desire to marry. Your Heavenly Father said it is not good for man to be alone, which means that it is bad for man to be alone. It’s that simple. He went ahead to decide to provide a solution to that “alone” status of Adam by saying, “Let us create an helpmeet for him.” This process led to what we know as marriage – a sacred and exclusive union between a man and woman. So, according to God’s own Word and wisdom – marriage is the answer to loneliness. So, if your Heavenly father says that it’s not good for man to alone and provides the answer – marriage. Why would a human being give you a teaching contrary to God’s Word? Who's report will you believe?

Such teaching comes about when people don’t have the right answers to your marital problems, they then want to console you and divert your attention from the problem at hand, so that you can remain under their teaching. It’s selfish. And the people who often teach these things are usually, always married. After they teach you how to remain single, they go home and warm their beds. Isn’t that wickedness? Isn’t it better to tell the people that you don’t have an answer for them rather than to mislead them?

This is what happens, any attempt to console yourself and divert your attention from your desire to be married and to have legitimate sex, and have children (like 1. Read your bible and pray 2. Get involved in social and charity activities 3. Praise and worship 4. Look for a hobby, etc. 5. Serve in the church 6. Learn self-control 7. Serve in your community 8. Get a closer walk with God 9. Get spiritual mentors) only provides temporary relief. After making these moves, you end up with an even stronger desire to marry. It’s amazing how people teach people to fight a God-given and acknowledged AND RESOLVED desire.

Have you also noticed that all the recommended options to helping you “enjoy” being single are not exclusive activities for singles? Every human being can engage in them, single or married. Also, if you observe closely, those recommendations are the same that are dished out to people in a bad marriage, people who are divorced, widowed, and teens. Isn’t it amazing how sometimes, we just embrace what we hear without taking time to just do a simple review?

THE PRAYER OF AN ATHEIST - A TRUE STORY

HERE IS A true story about a young man who got his prayers answered:

Many people who visit Jerusalem are tourists who come to get a sense of Jewish culture and history. One day, a young tourist named Jeff was brought in to meet me at Aish HaTorah.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"I'm working for my MBA at Harvard University. And I'm an atheist."

"Fantastic! A real atheist! Whoever was able to convince an atheist like you to speak to a rabbi like me deserves a medal."

"Nah," Jeff says, "he doesn't deserve anything. I'll tell you how I came..."

Jeff had been in Norway, visiting his Norwegian fiance. And he decided it was now or never: either he is going to come to Israel or he'll never make it.

So he headed for Jerusalem and the Western Wall. He figured he would stop by the Wall to see some old stones. Yet upon his arrival he was amazed. He felt something heavy. He was moved.

Jeff stood before the Wall, and made up an atheist's prayer. He looked at the stones and said:

"God, I don't believe in You. As far as I know, You don't exist. But I do feel something. So if I'm making a mistake, I want You to know, God, I have no quarrel against You. It's just that I don't know that You exist. But God, just in case You're really there and I'm making a mistake, get me an introduction."

Jeff finished his prayer, and one of the Aish HaTorah students who happened to be at the Wall, saw Jeff and thought, "Perhaps he'd be interested in learning some Torah."

He tapped Jeff on the shoulder, startling him so much that he jumped three feet in the air. Jeff whirled around and shouted,

"What in the blankety-blank-dash-bang do you want?!"

"I'm sorry. I just want to know if you'd like to learn about God."

That question hit Jeff like a two-by-four right between the eyes. He had just finished asking God for an introduction, and immediately someone was offering to introduce him to God.

Jeff learned at Aish HaTorah for the next six weeks. He was a very serious student, and went back to the States with a commitment to continue learning. A year later, Jeff came back to Israel and told me the end of his story.

During that previous summer he had been meandering through the cobblestone alleyways of the Old City when he saw a pretty, sweet, religious girl walk by. He said to himself, "Look at the charm of this Jewish woman. May the Almighty help me meet someone like this."

One Shabbos morning during the next year, Jeff entered a synagogue in Boston for prayer services. Standing there was the same young woman he had seen in the Old City. He made his way over to her and said:

"Excuse me, but I believe I saw you last summer in Jerusalem."

She answered, "You're right. I saw you, too."

They are now married and living in New Jersey.

Remember Jeff's prayer. If you know any atheists, you can teach it to them.

Because when you are sincere with God, your prayers are answered.

The Almighty is near to all those who call unto Him in truth. (Psalms 145:18)

THE CENTER OF CHRISTIANITY

EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT forgiveness. Everybody asks God for mercy. Everybody wants to be forgiven of their sins and errors. Everybody wants to be cut some slack at one time or another. If something is desired by most everyone, than that thing most be very important.

When a Christian doesn’t forgive, he or she reverts to an unbeliever. Yes! Many Christians are not conscious of this truth.

The reason why you are a Christian is not because you do right things or because you are holy. You are a Christian because your sins are forgiven. Jesus said if you don’t forgive the sins of people against you, your Heavenly Father will also not forgive your sins. So, if your Heavenly Father does not forgive your sins, you become a sinner.

Since forgiveness is the bedrock of your Christianity, you can bet that some tinkering is going to happen with the right doctrines of forgiveness to confuse you and lead you into error.

What is forgiveness? It means not considering an act as an offense. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the offending act never happened. It means that the act is not considered an offense.

I am sure you have heard someone tell you to “forgive and forget”. That is not in the Bible. All God asks us to do is forgive. So many Christians tell you that they have forgiven their offender but they are finding it so difficult to forget. Why? Because they are torturing themselves trying to do what God never sent them to do. He only asked you to forgive and if you forgive properly, you don’t battle with forgetting. You just get on with your life.

I have found a most effective way of walking forever in forgiveness. Like most everything in our lives, it begins in the mind. If you know that you are going to eventually forgive someone anyway, why bother even taking offense and making yourself unhappy in the first place?

1. Realise that in dealing with human beings, people are going to upset you at some point. They are going to make honest mistakes and they are going to deliberately upset you. Every person you meet has the potential to do the worst possible thing to you.

2. You have done the worst possible thing to God. God forgave you, right? He even sent His only Son to die to save you even while you were yet committing offenses.

3. When Jesus took away the sins of the world – He took care of past, present, future sins all at once.

4. So, forgive like Jesus.
a. Don’t wait for people to offend you. Just create a forgiveness chest for everybody you know and will ever meet. Forgive them regardless, ahead of time so that when the offense happens you don’t even battle with pain and hurt. You have already forgiven.

b. People you are going to be dealing with on a long term basis like your spouse for example – package all possible offenses, all of it. Past, present, and future offenses you spouse could ever commit and forgive all.

c. Don’t wait for people to realize they have offended you and beg for forgiveness. Some don’t even know they have offended you. Some don’t have a conscience. Some don’t care how you feel about what they did. Some will even hurt you some more if they could. So, forgive.

This is the truth about forgiveness.

It’s ALL about YOU!
It has nothing to do with the other person, but everything to do with you. Accept responsibility for this. Full responsibility. A loser is one who shares responsibility for his life with others. To win in this game, know that it is all about you and nobody else.

Some people teach that when an offense keeps repeating itself, it becomes a habit. “It is no longer an error, but habit or way of life and has to be viewed differently.” they say. Forget those people. They want to take you to hell.

How Much is Enough?
The Bible does not say that an error has a limit for forgiveness. God commands that we FORGIVE ALL sins, ALL the time. Jesus Christ was asked how many times we should forgive our brother who offends us - he said 70 x 7 - which means uncountable times. In teaching us on how to pray, He said, “Father forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” How much mercy do you want from God? Give that same measure to others.

Who do I forgive? Everybody and everyone! Some people say that they can forgive a stranger who offends them, but a family member will remain unforgiven because the person shouldn’t have done what they did. E.g. Husband takes offense at his wife for weeks for not telling him she was going out, despite her pleas for forgiveness. Tension at home, a lot of unhappiness. Yet, the same man is able to easily forgive someone who carelessly bashed his car in traffic causing him delays, pain, and loss of money. Normal reasoning should be the other way round, don’t you think?

Forgiveness and Marriage No reason is strong enough for divorce. That’s the Word of God. Let’s get that out of the way.

But there are people who strongly believe that adultery of their spouse is a justification for divorce which means they have set limits to their forgiveness of their spouse. Some say, “I’ll forgive my wife of any offense but not adultery (or insult to my mother).”

It is not the offense of a spouse that leads to divorce. It is the decision of the offended spouse that leads to divorce. If the offended spouse decided to forgive - the marriage continues. If the offended spouse decided to forgive in perpetuity - then the marriage lasts forever. It's not sin that causes divorce. It is non-forgiveness that causes divorce. This principle is difference between Mrs. Bill Clinton and Mrs. Tiger Woods. One woman decided to forgive her husband in perpetuity and continue her marriage the other decided that her husband's offense is too much for her to bear and decided to end her marriage.

I know a denomination in Nigeria whose members are so stuck up on "holiness" and "sin" that one sin is enough reason to end an engagement. The offendinf fiancĂ© would be declared “unholy” and they start looking for a new "holy" person to marry. So many late marriages in that church, sisters can stay single till age 50. It is common to find people getting married in their 40s. And they happen to also have the highest divorce rate in the Body of Christ too. Because the discovery of one sin in the spouse is enough declare him or her an "unbeliever" and end the marriage. It is so sad, how the devil has blinded Christians to the truth and the power of forgiveness.

What makes a marriage work according to the Bible is not the errors that people make in it or how many times error occurs, what makes a marriage work is the attitude of the offended. If every time an offense is committed, it is forgiven then the marriage (or any relationship at all) survives offenses. The Bible teaches Christians to forgive, endure and apply patience and never to end a marriage. The world teaches to limit forgiveness to a certain measure and to end a marriage if the offending spouse does not change.

Conclusion

As children of God, we all live by grace. We are not Christians because we don’t commit sin, we are Christians because we are forgiven. Extend that same grace to everybody in your life. “Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.” Jesus taught us forgiveness, turn the other cheek. He did not teach us slapping back and acting mean. Our Savior is not stupid or asking us to be stupid. He knows it all - the pain of seeking vengeance and the hurt that follows is even greater than the pain of the offense.

Pray for grace - the grace to stop taking offense at what people do or say to you. He is your Father, He loves you, He wants you to be happy and He will do everything He can to help you to be happy.



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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.




WHO ARE YOU?

by Aziza Uko

Sometimes, we get so bugged down by life that we forget who our God is. This is a just a quick reminder.

Our God is a good God. He is merciful and gracious.

Our God is a Father. He is family driven. He called Abraham and created a family. Through Abraham, He gave an opportunity to the entire world to be His family. He longs for a close relationship with us.

He is a friend. He was a friend to Abraham. What a wonderful honour. He shares His secrets with His friends.

Our God invites us to reason with Him. He loves to engage us. “Bring forth your strong reasons,” He says. He promises to draw near to anyone who would draw near to Him.

He is a King. The King of all kings. He makes alive and He kills. He is the Most High God. He is able. He never fails. Nothing is impossible with Him. He is greatly to be praised. All things that were created are for His pleasure. He is so beautiful. Glorious in His majesty.

He is a Man of War. A Mighty Man in battle. He has no match. He is supreme in all things – wisdom, power, honour, majesty, glory. He is mighty. His wisdom knows no bounds. One with Him is majority. He is above all.

God is love. He is the perfect demonstration of love. He loves without ceasing. His love is so amazing, so warm, so encompassing.

He is Holy. He is pure. No evil or sin can be found in Him. Nothing evil can come from Him.

He is unchanging. He is no respecter of persons. He does not do eye service. Who does He have to please? He honours His Word more than His name. His name is a strong tower for the safety of the righteous. He is a reliable God. He doesn't sleep, He never slumbers. Nothing committed to Him sees corruption.

He is the Creator of the entire and expanding Universe. He is the beginning and the end and everything in between. There are no limits with Him. He is the Father of Light and Truth.

Jehovah is His covenant name. His first and begotten Son is Jesus Christ, Master of the Universe. Jesus is the Light and the Truth.

Isn’t it a great honour to be His child? To be created in His own image and likeness?

Think about what it means to be His child. The child of God is a god. You are a god. You have creative abilities. You have dominion on earth. You have unlimited potential to mirror Him. You are the apple of eye, a peculiar person, a unique person, a royal heir. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. There are no limits to what you can do and what you can be.

Child of the Most High God, get up and shine. Your Father is the light. Shine so bright, that the world will see Him in you.


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

FORGET THE IDIOT! – Part II

by Aziza Uko

Ever since I posted what is now the first part of this teaching on the forum, I have received a good number of private responses. Most made me laugh, but just last night the seriousness of it all hit me.

“Aziza, please don’t you think using abusive words on the devil will cause him to be angry and now target you to take you down? Why don’t you just quote the bible directly or just call him Satan because it may cause you to have more attacks than normal?”

So many Christians are scared of the devil. Many of the wrong practices like “warfare prayers”, “dangerous prayers”, “violent prayers”, “back-to-sender prayers” are inspired by fear of the devil. So, when unmasking the lies of the devil, I wanted to capture the attention of my readers, “What is this on a Christian forum? Idiot? Who?”

Secondly, I wanted to capture the attention of people who revere the devil. There are some Christians that can’t even talk about him openly. They fear to mention his name to watch this space and see that nothing happens to me after my post. I don’t die. I don’t get sick. Absolutely nothing negative happens to me – I only have glorious testimonies. So, they’ll begin to know that the devil has no power whatsoever and cannot harm anybody.

If he cannot harm me – I am not a pastor with a big church, I don’t go to the “mountain”, I live a regular life, I don’t spend hours in prayer, or weeks in fasting, I use makeup sometimes, I use artificial hair, I’m not speaking in tongues 24 hours a day, I wear trousers, I wear jeans, I wear perfumes, I like fancy stuff, I follow fashion trends, I like Lionel Richie, TuFace, Lemmy Williams, just as I like Donnie McClurkin, Third Day, and Sinach, and I watched the Transformers and liked it, I watch E! as much as I watch Inspiration TV - so I am what some conservative Christians could describe as a worldly person. This is the truth, I am a Christian so the devil can’t touch me. He CANNOT. He is under my FEET.

Jesus came to restore dominion to man. He did it perfectly. We have dominion. 100% dominion on earth. Not the devil. He is not god of any world. You are the god of your world. God gave you the earth and told you to dominate it and everything in it. As far as this earth is concerned, YOU are in charge. Not the devil. You are like God. This is not even a New Testament story. Read the story of the Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. God Himself, said, “The man has now become like one of us.” I deliberately don’t quote bible verses, I want you to find these truth for yourself because that’s when you cannot be swayed in any way. Your faith becomes unshaken and your God-nature begins to manifest.

Stop seeing the devil in everything. “Every evil bird”, “Every evil tree”, “Every evil insect”, com’on. The devil is not a creator. God made birds, all birds including the vulture and bat. God created the trees and all the insects including that Iroko tree in your village and the spider that wove the cobweb that you broke on your way to work this morning. God created the water and all the creatures in it. The Holy Spirit designed all of them. The Holy Spirit lives in you. You are a creator. You were made in the image and likeness of God. The devil wasn't. That is why when you speak, it comes to pass. When you command something to move, it HAS to move. When you bind something on earth, it HAS to be bound in heaven. This earth and all that is in it belongs to our God, your God, your Father. Not the devil.

You are a creator. The child of the Creator cannot be anything but a creator. Whatever your eyes see, that becomes your reality. Whatever you think, you bring to manifestation. Whatever you say comes to pass. The enemy knows your power, that is why he plays mind games on you so that you THINK, SEE, and SPEAK wrong things that create your own world. The more you think about him, the bigger he becomes in your world. Forget him! Think about your Heavenly Father and what He is – the bigger God becomes in your life. Whatever you think, you bring into reality because your thoughts form your confessions.

Think positively. “As a man thinks, so is he.”

If you are looking for a wife, don’t be thinking “I have to be carefulness so that you don’t marry a marine agent.” How can a son of the Most High God marry a witch? How can a carrier of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, the Power of Resurrection, and the Executioner of Creation marry a marine agent? It is not possible. Think positive thoughts and make positive confessions and only see positive things. “I am a child of a King. Lord, I want to marry, send one of your princesses my way.” When you see Christian sisters, embrace them as your family not as possible agents of the devil. Instead of seeking out who is a demonic agent, seek out who loves God, who has faith. What you seek, you find. What you ask, you receive.

Your pastor is not special. He is packed with power because of what He knows and does. If you are as consecrated as he, you will be as anointed as he is. If you have the same knowledge of God, you will manifest the same power he manifests. If you spend the same time in God’s presence, you will have the same revelation that he has. God doesn’t have favourites – His favourites are those who obey Him, who put His Word to action.

Anything you want from God is done according to the power that is in you. The Bible says that He is able to do EXCEEDINGLY, ABUNDANTLY above ALL that you COULD ASK Him ACCORDING to the POWER that WORKS in US. YOU have the power. Unleash your power.

Please read the recommended text if you have not. 1. Spiritual Warfare by Pastor Chris Ojigbani 2. Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer 3. Satan Get Lost by Dr. David Oyedepo


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

GET STARTED

by Aziza Uko

I WAS SO blessed this Sunday to start something I had been planning for three years. When I made contact with the first beneficiary of the idea – I smiled and remembered what my pastor said some months ago about getting started and not waiting for “the Lord’s time” because frankly that is the day of Jesus’ coming.

So, this is to encourage you to get started with whatever the LORD has impressed on your heart to do. Note that the devil cannot lay the thought to do good in your heart, to clothe and feed Jesus (as He said), to promote the Kingdom of God, to serve God and bring people to Christ. So intense “praying about it” is actually unbelief and procrastination. If you have a strong pull towards doing good or service – for many, that’s all the “hearing” you may ever get.

Is it to visit the kids that live in an orphanage that you pass everyday on the way to work and back? Don’t wait till you have a truck load of food before you make a grand entrance. Everything and everyone makes a difference. Even if it’s just doughnuts, a tray or two. Or just two loaves of bread. Or just a hug or two. Those kids are never unappreciative. No act of love goes unnoticed by the LOVE.

Let me share a little story. A group of ladies - friends and colleagues (10) - working in a top-rate bank in Nigeria started chatting online on the company intranet. Each lady had an irrepressible pull towards visiting an orphanage and giving something to the kids as individual, they discovered this unifying intention during their numerous chats. They decided to exploit their strengths. They set up a united purse. The money manager would manage the account. The administrators would co-ordinate activities. The strategists would offer direction. The communicators would ensure everybody is informed and those who earned more money would donate more than others.

They started making what you would call meager monthly dues towards this end and triple that as quarterly dues. They began visiting orphanages in Lagos and finally settled on adopting two of the homes. On one special day, a regular day to the ladies – they went on a visitation to one of the orphanages and the “mother” the lady who runs the orphanage invited them into her office – she broke down in tears, blessing them.

When she calmed down, the mother confessed that she was worried to death on how her kids were going to eat. The breakfast they had that morning was their last meal. Her cooks asked her what’s going to happen next. She said the LORD will provide. Her exterior was calm, but she was actually shaking inside as she said she called God’s integrity to work. After she had supervised their feeding, she went into her office and knelt down and asked God to touch someone’s heart to bring them food. Just as she finished, she heard the horn of the ladies’ cars at the gate. You can imagine the joy these ladies brought that day. The faith that they helped to built in this woman dedicated to service of our King.

Also imagine the flipside – imagine if these ladies hadn’t started doing something in the direction of the pull in their hearts. Yes, God would have still provided. But they would have missed the chance to be so used by God. [Something else we must note about this story is that God had answered this woman's prayer two weeks before she prayed it. The ladies start planning their visits two weeks to the actual visitation date. Who says any prayer startles God?]

Is it to write a book? Start today. Or to inspire another to be better at what they do? Start today. Has the LORD laid it in your heart to take up a position in a service in your local church? Start today. Do you want to start a prayer group? Get going. Or to use your talent to spread the message of the gospel in a unique way? There's no more time. Jesus is coming very soon. Or you’ve been meaning to visit a poor family who live in your neighbourhood? Please do it today, this evening. Or to share a sermon with someone you know needs it? Delay no longer.

Step out in boldness. God promises to be with you. Commit your ways unto the Lord and He will give you good success.


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE: GOOD OR BAD?

by Aziza Uko

Conflict is just disagreement. One person wants to go left and the other wants to go right. It is normal. It is bound to happen when two people live together. No matter who those two people are - twins, siblings, best friends, etc. 

Christians often view conflict negatively to the extent that it is common to find ministers testifying of having had no conflict in their marriages. Though such testimonies are suspect, I don’t want to dwell on that today.

Conflict can be beneficially to the relationship because it permits people to set their boundaries and it leads to understanding. "If I move this coffee table, it upsets my husband. So, I will not move the coffee table." "If I don't call my wife to tell her I'll be late, she's going to be really upset when I get home. So, I'm calling her right away." Also, conflict draws couples closer because after the resolution of the conflict they tend to be closer and have a deeper relationship, better understanding. So, conflict actually spices up the relationship. 

So the focus of a marriage couple should not be to avoid conflict entirely, because that's an uphill task that could drain them emotionally and lead to bottled up negative emotions that could explode one day to disastrous consequences. Rather the focus should be on how to resolve conflicts as they arise. 

The Bible says that we should not go to bed with our anger. So, as conflict arise in a marriage, especially in the early days of the relationship, they should be resolved ASAP. That where you need to practice the following:

1. Displease yourself to please your spouse.
 
2. Make compromises.
3. Look inwards to change yourself and not your spouse.

3. Forgive your spouse and make room for his or her weaknesses.
4. Control your temper and don't allow things to go overboard.

Conflict can be destructive when the five principles above are broken and the conflicts remain unresolved so that issues pile up.

In conclusion, too much conflict can destroy a relationship just like too much spice can spoil the food.


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

MARRIAGE - WHERE IT ALL BEGAN

by Aziza Uko

With the plethora of materials on marriage. It is easy to get carried away and forget that marriage has a beginning and that story is simply laid out in Genesis Chapter 2. 49 things I learned from the close of examination of Genesis Chapter 2 which contains the story of Adam and Eve and it holds the answers to the questions most people often have about marriage e.g. Do I choose my spouse or does God choose for me? What is marriage? Why should I get married? Is it important to be married? What is the role of my spouse in my life? It is interesting to also note that when Jesus Christ came to the earth, He said concerning marriage and divorce, "In the beginning it was not so, ..." then He changed the law of Moses which permitted divorce and established the original order of things. What is that beginning Jesus spoke about? Read on.

1. God created the heavens and the earth and everything in them was complete. God is a finisher. He doesn’t leave anything unfinished.

2. God took a rest on the seventh day after He had finished creation. He blessed the seventh day and declared it holy.

3. God wants us to be like Him and do what He does so He commanded Moses in the Ten Commandments the keeping with His seventh day ordinance, we are to rest and keep the seventh day holy.

4. A further lesson is that a planned, periodic rest is necessary from our work that we do. Another is that we must not leave projects unfinished and embark on a rest period.

5. God created the plants before he created man. God created food for the man before he made him.

6. So, God always prepares a place ahead of us. He will never take us to place where He had not first prepared for us.

7. If God can create the entire universe, establish order, keep everything in place, and provide for everything and everybody, surely He can take care of us. He is a faithful God.

8. God formed man from the soil of the earth.

9. God breathed into man and man became a living soul. God owns the breath of life and that is the source of life. Man without the breath of life returns to dust.

10. God created the Garden of Eden for man which was filled with food for man. God provides for us.

11. God placed man in the Garden of Eden. God makes a home for us.

12. A river flowed from the land of Eden and watered the Garden of Eden. God covers every aspect of our needs. He thinks of us in advance and He truly cares about us.

13. God looked at everything that He had done and it was all good. Therefore, man and all of creation were created perfect.

14. The tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil were both placed in the centre of the Garden of Eden by God.

15. God gave man the assignment of tending, guarding, and keeping the Garden of Eden.

16. When God commissioned Adam on the assignment of tending the garden, He gave him boundaries. (v 15 – 19). When God sends us on an assignment, He always gives us instructions – do and don’ts. We must always listen to God and obey Him. Disobedience to God’s instruction, as recorded in Genesis 3, led to the fall of man and its dreadful consequences.

17. From the beginning it was never God’s intention that man be idle. Likely this extends from the nature of God Himself. The Creator works, so must man because he was created in God’s image.

18. God looked at man and said it was not good for man to be alone. Which means it is bad for man to be alone. It is not a good thing for a man or a woman to be single.

19. God decided to make a help meet for man. A help meet is a suitable complement.

20. God formed wild beasts and animals from the ground both land creatures and birds of the air and brought them to Adam to see what Adam would call them.

21. Whatever Adam called an animal that name that Adam called it became its name.

22. This serves to show that Adam had complete dominion on earth and God respected that dominion.

23. After this exercise, a help meet was not found for Adam. It means Adam did not choose a help meet from any of the creatures brought to him.

24. God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. Took his rib and formed the woman and brought her to Adam to see what Adam would call her.

25. This story teaches us that when God is working for us, creating for us, making a way for us, He doesn’t need our help. We could as well be asleep like Adam and God would make for us, exactly what we need.

26. This story also teaches that everything that we need to complete us, to be effective, to complete our assignment, to meet our destiny is inside of us.

27. God takes time to work in preparing what we need to complete our assignment. He could have formed Eve like the other creatures but He took his time to create Eve, even taking a piece of Adam to create her.

28. When Adam saw Eve, he declared Eve his bone and his flesh. He called her woman in reference to her origin, taken from man. Then, he later named her Eve, mother of all living after their fall. (Genesis 3 v 20)

29. God created marriage after Adam choose Eve as his help meet.

30. Marriage is God’s creation.

31. The first marriage took place immediately Adam found his wife.

32. The right of choice of who to marry is ours.

33. Eve was made from a part of Adam and on seeing Eve, Adam recognized the piece of him that was in Eve.

34. Marriage leads to complete union of man and wife. The two become one.

35. Adam and Eve were naked and they were not ashamed. Married people are not supposed to be embarrassed about their nakedness in any and every area of life.

36. We are to relate to our marriage partner as if we were "one flesh", and we are, having no secret agendas and being completely transparent.

37. Marriage is a life-long relationship which only death can separate.

38. Marriage requires a man to leave his mother and father, which indicates a separation to create his own family.

39. It also speaks of the need to break the parent-child bond upon the marriage of the child. The authority that parents have over their children is broken upon the child's marriage in order that the relationship between the husband and wife might have top priority for each of them.

40. When two people get married, they become the most important people in each other’s lives. Extended family comes after.

41. Marriage requires the man to cleave to his wife which means that he needs his wife for support.

42. A man’s assignment cannot be completed unless he is married. He needs his wife to assist him on his assignment.

43. Marriage is also for companionship. It is not good for man to be alone, indicates God acknowledging the need for man to have relationships.

44. Adam was walking with God, he had a relationship where he communed with God daily. However, God still said it was not good for the man to be alone. This means that our relationships with God and with our spouse are mutually exclusive in the sense that one does not trump the other. They can and actually run concurrently.

45. In Genesis 3, after the fall of man, the relationship between Adam and Eve started to deteriorate which indicates that our relationship with God strengthens our marriage relationship and a wounded relationship with God leads to a wounded marriage.

46. Everything is created good and remains good within God’s design. It is only when we turn away from God’s design that we fall into trouble.

47. Adam and Eve feeling no shame about their nakedness means that they enjoyed each other sexually and God blessed them. Their walk with God was not disrupted by sex.

48. Because God created sex, it is good; it is pure and should be enjoyed in marriage.

49. The command in Genesis 1 to be fruitful and multiply is fulfilled through marriage.

Actually, there are 50 things I learn, the last, God told me Himself ...

50. "I created you. You belong to Me. I am your heart keeper."


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

FORGET THAT IDIOT!

by Aziza Uko

There’s been so much talk among Christians about the devil doing one thing or the other. Or the devil creating a situation in a Christian’s life or a Christian’s marriage. Such talk breeds a lot of fear. At the end of the day, people begin to start binding the devil in their house, or the devil in their life. Some will even start hunting for who is going to deliver them from the devil. Christians now wake up at 12 midnight to “fight” with the devil.

I saw this statement by Bishop T. D. Jakes this morning. “The enemy is great at changing a word or two!” That’s so right. That’s all the devil is. A liar and a trickster!

This is the TRUTH. The devil has no power whatsoever. He has no ability to do anything in the life of a Christian. He has no ability to stop a Christian from achieving anything. He has no ability to destroy the marriage of a Christian talk less of the marriage of ministers of the gospel. Satan is a finished devil. A condemned criminal. Jesus Christ disgraced him, deposed him, made a public show of the bastard and when our LORD was done He declared. “All Power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.” Matthew 28:18 

After He said that, Jesus was taken up to Heaven when He sits on the right hand of the Father. And guess what? That’s where EVERY Christian sits too. 
Ephesians 1:20, Ephesians 2:6

 It is outrageous to even consider that the devil can attack a Christian. How? How is he going to come to heaven and reach the right hand of the Father? How is that going to happen?
The devil is a trickster. He knows that the only way he can harm you is to trick you. The only way he can trick you is to enter into your mind and plant wrong ideas. Once you believe them, you begin to suffer. Because once you believe the devil’s ideas, you suffer under his ministry which is to kill, steal, and destroy. The devil is a bloody imposter. He walks around giving the impression that he is what he is not. He makes people think that he is the god of this world. He is not. Who dash monkey? Jesus messed him up and dethroned him and reinstated You in your rightful position as the god of this world.

Satan has NO power. He is a worthless piece of shit. A destitute condemned criminal. He makes people think that he is a roaring lion. He is not. Who dashed him lion? The Bible says that he is moving about like a roaring lion. The Bible is describing how he is moving around not who he is. That’s his job to twist God’s word to make you believe wrong things. The devil is not a lion. He can’t devour anybody. There’s only one Lion in your life, that is the LION of the Tribe of Judah.

Believe the Words of Jesus and you will enjoy the ministry of Jesus which is that you might have life and have it abundantly. Begin to walk in liberty. You have authority over the devil and all demons. He can’t torment one higher than him. To think that the devil can harm you, delay your marriage, or make you sad is like believing that he can do that to Jesus. Because you are one with Jesus. You are married to Jesus.

It’s IMPOSSIBLE for the devil to touch you or your destiny. Utterly impossible! Who is he? A nobody. A desperate vagabond without a home.

Don’t fall victim to the devil’s tricks. Don’t let him twist the reality of his finished status and make you believe otherwise. No need to bind him. He wasn’t there in the first place. No need to tell him to remove his hand. No need to pray and fast to remove the devil from your life. He wasn’t there in the first place. He never got even close to you. No need to worry about the loser. That’s what he is a loser. And you are more than a winner. 
Romans 8:37 Don’t you ever forget who you are.

It’s all in your mind. Get those wrong ideas out of your mind.

I wish to recommend three books that changed my life. Read them and they are sure to change yours too.

1.  Spiritual Warfare by Pastor Chris Ojigbani
2.  Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer
3.  Satan Get Lost by Dr. David Oyedepo


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

CAN ONE EVER TRULY KNOW ANOTHER PERSON?

by Aziza Uko

With the breaking news of a murder at the hands of a deranged husband last week, much has been said about the faulty judgement of the victim in choosing the man who was to eventually murder her in a very brutal manner. Commonly attached to this victim-blaming analysis comes the somewhat warn-out advise to run if you can't stay.

These comments, for me, spawn the questions:  Do people really hang around people they can't tolerate? Does anyone really make friends with someone he can't stand? Do ladies hang around men who cut the up in little pieces? I mean, does anyone marry someone he or she feels that she can't keep up with her or his behaviour?

I actually think that the so often repeated advise of "don't marry him/her if you can't tolerate him/her" is kind of like preaching to the converted. It's like advising, "if the heat is too much, get out of the kitchen". Everybody does that without being told anyway.

I think most people going into marriage do actually make a choice of someone they like and think they can handle. The unfortunate thing is that some think that they are going to be able to "work" on their choice to get better in certain areas that they think their spouse needs improvement. That's the error. I think men make this mistake in their thinking more than women do.

It's a probability thing when you deal with people. There's a 33% chance that they remain the same. There's a 33% chance that they change for the better and a 33% chance that they get worse in a particular character trait that is. This is not just in marriage. That's they way life goes. Nobody ever remains the same. No human being is perfectly consistent everyday of his or her life in any single area. Some times the best person slips and sometimes the worst person appeals to his better angels and shows a spark of goodness.

I think it is about setting realistic expectations of your spouse, based on the nature of man. It's best to know that when dealing with another human being that:

1. You can never ever exhaustively know and predict a person, even if you live with him or her all your life. It's only God that searches the heart of man.

2. People are going to make mistakes, upset you or put up some nasty character sometimes. The closer you are to the person, the more likely this will happen to you. That's why some people reported to be angels by their colleagues in the office could be described as monsters by their spouses.

3. The only person you have control over is YOU! Even then, you can't perfectly predict your own actions. "Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall." 1 Corinthians 10:12


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT SEX?

by Aziza Uko

Some of the teaching on premarital sex follows a dangerous mold. These are the issues.

Premarital sex and any other form of illicit, illegal sex (according to God's word - any sex outside marriage, sex with anyone one is not married to - is illegal) is sinful and dangerous. If all Christians (and every other human being) captured the full extent of the harm that wrong sex does to them, their bodies, their possessions, their position, and their wealth - they would run away and run far from it. Everybody would do whatever it takes to never ever fall into premarital sex. Sex outside of marriage is sinful, ugly, and unacceptable and will never ever be acceptable. I took time to make this clear because of what I want to say next, so that nobody will jump to wrong conclusions.

That is out of the way. Now this is the truth about sex.

The reason why God regulates sex is because of how powerful it is. Whether in marriage or outside marriage - sex is powerful. The idea that sex outside of marriage is not powerful is a lie of the devil. He sends out that lie for many reasons which I will explain shortly. That's why our Heavenly Father instructs us to practice sex only in marriage to protect us. Sex creates a strong connection between two people who do it. It is spiritual. Sex manipulates people's emotions towards love. Sex does cause people to fall in love, for real.

The power of sex is the reason why it's dangerous to have sex with someone before you are married to the person. Because sex causes you to fall in love and when you are in love, your judgment is beclouded. You no longer think straight, you begin to take decisions based on sentiments. You see nothing wrong with the person. Because every extreme emotion is blinding. That is where the world got the "Love is blind" statement. True love is not blind. It is emotional love that is blinding. Extreme hatred is also blinding. If someone hates someone, he or she sees nothing good in the person.

It's because of emotional love that people try to manipulate things and marry someone they know they should not marry. You see people making excuses for their fiancĂ©’s obvious lack of faith in Christ Jesus. Or trying to blackmail their pastor twisting the Word of God to suit their situation. Some will say that the Word of God says that the husband should wash his wife with the Word of God so, he will wash her with the Word.

Many Christian marriages are suffering because of people take sex for granted. They think sex is not powerful. Or they even make sex out to be something “carnal”. Some people even put forward preaching that seeks to reduce sex in marriage. Someone has preached to my hearing that “Not because you are married, you will think that you will just be having sex all the time. NO!” That’s rubbish.

Sex is a powerful tool, like no other. How can you explain a situation where 99% of the couples on the brink of divorce also say that they don’t have an active sex life? It is very very very difficult, if not impossible to break a married couple who have sex all the time. No matter how great the challenge, they always find a way out. Whereas a couple who don’t have sex can be broken up very easily by a meaningless matter like toothpaste or salt or sugar or remote control. That should tell you that there is something in sex.

Men have been known to fall in love with a prostitute that they patronized repeatedly. The man knows he is a prostitute, he knows she sleeps with many other men for money and suddenly he falls in love, next thing he wants to marry her, next thing you know he is fighting with other men for her, next thing he is introducing her to his mother. Everybody will be against his decision, he will not hear them. In fact, he will change his friends and quarrel with anybody who says he should not marry her. He will extract a promise from her that she has ended that life and she’s ready to be his wife. It’s amazing what sex does.

Christian men and women should use this powerful tool created by our Heavenly Father to make their marriages more enjoyable.

Christian wives, instead of trying to be perfect to please your husband. Perfect house, perfect kids, perfect food, perfect words. And still end up frustrated with your husband’s unfeeling nature or lack of appreciation. Change strategy and become perfect at one thing only and that’s sex. The situation will change.

If your husband is constantly complaining that you are not submissive and you know that you are bending back over to make him believe you are submissive. Stop trying to be “submissive”. Use sex, and you can sit on top of him, and slap your husband, he will say, “My sexy wife, slap me again.”

Stop praying that God should make your husband love you. Start being good at sex and he will do whatever you want him to do for you. He will do it before you even ask. If your husband is always finding fault with you and noting every single mistake you make. Start improving on your sex life and you will see a change.

Sex can reconcile a separated couple. If you are separated stop going around fasting and praying, looking for who will lay hands on you or deliver you. You don’t need deliverance. Stop sending sms or calling and begging. Stop disturbing your pastor and his wife, they have troubles of their own. Stop disturbing your parents, they need to rest in their old age. Stop begging for some days. Let him not hear from you. If he doesn’t want to hear anything other than you agree to end the marriage, no problem. Tell him that you want to meet so that you people can agree on how you will go forward with your separation. (Notice that that doesn’t say you want to divorce, or that you agree to the separation. Or “Let us meet and agree on the next step, since it appears as if the marriage is not working.” )

Organize your husband into a private space and make sure he cannot escape. Don’t beg for reconciliation. Don’t apologize. Concentrate on the business at hand. The story will change. He will ask you when you are coming home.

Sex can reconcile a divorced couple easily.

If you are constantly disagreeing with your husband on whose idea is better. Stop. Use sex. He will wake up in the morning and tell you that he has decided to go with your wise advice. Sex is powerful. Don’t underestimate sex.

I may have been talking to sisters more. But the truth is that it works for both sexes. Husbands who have wives that are impossible to please. Change tactic accordingly and the story will change. There is nothing as difficult to handle like a sexually frustrated wife.

There is nothing unholy about sex in marriage. Don’t let anybody deceive you into believing that there is something like too much sex in marriage. There is no such thing. God wants you to have sex all the time, ALL THE TIME! That’s His Word. All God is concerned with is that you do it with only the person you are married to. Sex in marriage never becomes sin at any point. Sex does not kill anointing. Sex does not make God stop speaking to you or dampen your relationship with God. The Holy Spirit does not leave you when you have sex with your spouse and return when you are done. Some stories are just plain nonsense. Those are all lies of the devil.

Possible effects of not realizing the power of sex:

Single people take premarital sex lightly. If you are a single sister, you can use sex to get married quickly to the right person. Your approach to sex can help you to weed out wrong men. Not as the world uses sex but as God intended it. No sex before marriage, no matter what. Once you do that, you begin to look beautiful in the eyes of all men and those who are coming to deceive you will fall aside and a real Christian brother who is looking for virtue will emerge.

Married people: It’s obvious. Marriage keeps your spouse captivated with you. It makes you closer. It helps you overlook weaknesses and your own weaknesses are overlooked also. Some complaints or quarrels are skipped because your husband doesn’t want to upset you during the day and jeopardize sex later. It makes your wife sympathetic towards you. It also reduces the possibility of falling into sexual temptation outside the marriage.

Because some married people don’t know the importance of sex, they deny their spouses sex frequently. Some even demand “self control” from their husbands or wives. That’s so wrong. It’s direct disobedience to the Word of God. Very few things hurt a man like being denied sex by his wife. He feels rejected and unloved. It’s not a good thing to do. Even if you don’t feel like it or unable to have sex, don’t reject him outright. Be kind and sympathetic and explain your reasons nicely and make a promise for the future.

Married couples are free to talk about sex with themselves only. There’s nothing vulgar or dirty about a husband and wife talking about sex. What is harmful is pornography. You can send sex sms to your spouse during the day. It’s not evil communication. Don’t be holier than God who included the Songs of Solomon in the Bible for us to see. There’s nothing wrong with a sms during the day telling your wife to get ready for a great night. Or a steamy sms to your husband telling him what will be waiting for him when he gets home. Or a sms to your wife telling her that she should not overwork herself during the day because you want her fresh and pretty for you when you come home. All these help to make your marriage sweet.

Get rid of unhappy, untidy, joy-killing environment in your bedroom. Things that distract you from each other should be removed from the bedroom like a TV or a work desk. Don’t joke about this. Take your privacy seriously. Don’t encourage grown up kids (once they can talk) to sleep with you. Take sex very very serious because God takes it very very serious.

Learn about sex. Don’t assume you know everything because you have children. Or you had premarital sex before marriage. Learn about foreplay and importance of communication and openness. Some single people think they know all about sex because of some premarital sexual encounters. That’s not true. Real sex happens in marriage. Every other experience is cheap and unreal. It’s in marriage you discover what sex is.


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.