Monday, September 23, 2013

#MYTHBUSTING: IS YOUR MATRIMONIAL BEDROOM A SANCTUARY?

by Aziza Uko


A RECENTLY MARRIED young Christian lady married posted this message on one of the many Internet forums for women:
Please I need your candid opinion on this. Due to the increase in workload at the office, I can’t keep my home the way I want to and I also don’t want to have a live-in domestic help. I am thinking of employing a part-time domestic help so I can have time to keep up with the demands of my research work. The problem, however is that my mum always tells me that my bedroom is a sanctuary and I shouldn’t allow a ‘stranger’ step into it. I have also heard this from a female pastor. But, if this person cannot clean my room and my bathroom (because my room is en-suite), what then is the point of hiring her? What are your views on this?
Summary of this is that some Christians, mostly Pentecostal in persuasion, believe and teach that the bedroom where a husband and wife sleep is a ‘sacred place’, a sanctuary, actually. To prove that this belief is prevalent, some of the first few comments on her post went like these:
“A home needs to be sanctified at least once or twice a month. This is important because we come in contact with people every day and you don’t know what their human spirit – their energy – is!! So also, when you have anyone other than you or your husband goes into your bedroom, once they leave, sanctify your room!”

“Your bedroom is your sanctuary. Or do you want the person cleaning your room start to imagine you having sex with your husband.”

“My dear, indeed your bedroom is sacred so you should safeguard it courteously. Your mum is right and you should listen to her. Tidying up your room should be your top priority as that is where you consummate your marriage with your spouse.”

My response to all of the above? Read below:


First of all, the notion that a matrimonial bedroom is "a sanctuary", a place that is exclusive to husband and wife (and children) to enter is not scriptural.

Many people preach this idea, they are not being scriptural when they do. Most of the time, they are just repeating something that they heard someone else say, and when they heard it, it made sense to them.

The only place the Bible speaks of the marriage bed in the New Testament it figuratively refers to the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife. "Marriage is honourable in ALL and BED undefiled." This is more or less stating a truth that marriage is honourable in ALL and that sex between a husband and a wife is clean. It is not even a commandment. It is a statement of truth. (Read: Hebrews 13:4)

The matrimonial bed (where husband and wife sleep) is not a 'place of worship'. Though as a Christian, you can be led to worship, praise, pray, meditate at any place at all. It can be on your bed. It can also be anywhere - in your car, at your desk, in a plane, in the toilet.


Another related myth I often hear Christians say is that sex is an act of worship. Sex is NOT an act of worship. That belief is not Biblical in anyway. I don't know where people get that notion that sex is an act of worshipping God. It doesn't even make sense and it is causing inhibitions in Christian homes. Because Christians link worship with piety and soberness, people who believe these myths tend to approach sex with ‘reverence’ and hence so many Christians think any sex position outside the ‘missionary’ style is dirty. And the notion that the marital bed is ‘the sanctuary’ restricts the sense of adventure in a Christian couple’s sex life because people who believe these myths, tend to always do it on the bed and only the bed.'

As a matter of fact, the Bible states that it is pagans and people who practice abhorable rituals that include sex in their worship routines and God finds these acts abominable.

In modern society, most of the sex of a couple happens in their bedroom. But what about couples that have sex anywhere in the house, on the living room couch, on the kitchen table, on his study desk, in the car, even in the children's room? Is that going to transform any spot a married couple chooses to have sex into a sanctuary? Even their office desk, a hotel room, a resort?

Biblically, God doesn’t place any restrictions on the sex life of a married couple. God doesn't put a cap on how often a married couple should have sex and he surely doesn't specify a place where it should happen. And he certainly didn't say that where it happens must be a special place designated for it, and neither did he say where you "consumate" your marriage is a sanctuary.



In the Old Testament, the sanctuary of God was a place where God lived, where God's presence was found. In the New Testament he lives in your body. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. As far as desecration goes, we should be more concerned with what comes out of us. Jesus Christ said, “It is not what goes in, but what comes out that defiles a man.” (Read: 1 Corinthians 6:19, Mark 7:15). We should be more concerned about keeping our wedding vows than keeping a room sacred. What happens when you move house? Or change rooms?

What about low-income families that can't afford a bedroom to themselves? Those who live in one room with their entire family? So, they don't have a sanctuary?

If the belief that nobody except you should enter your marital bedroom is driven by privacy concerns or to safeguard valuables, that is fine. But what drives this belief most of the time is FEAR. Fear that the person who enters your bedroom could harm you. Fear that they can bring “juju” (charms) into your room and cause problems in your marriage, or even separate a husband and a wife. That is the underlying reason for the whole culture of ‘my bedroom is a sacred place, don't enter!'

I have even heard some women say that their mothers or mother-in-law should not step into their bedrooms. And such women lose sleep over their husband's mother going into their bedroom, creating a mountain out of cotton wool... Such ridiculousness is derived from this 'sanctuary' belief. A mother should feel free in her child's house. (A topic for another day, I guess).

All the other issues raised i.e. should a maid come in and clean my room and other questions, take us back to the question: Why are we afraid? What are we afraid of? Should we be afraid?

When we understand who we are as Christians, we will become the most fearless people on earth. We have FULL dominion on this earth over ALL forces, even the force of nature. Our Heavenly Father tells us over 300 times in His Word, “Fear not”, “Do not be afraid”. (Read: Isaiah 41:10)

The Words of Jesus Christ: "NOTHING shall by ANY MEANS HURT YOU." The word says, 'No evil shall come near your dwelling.' Shall come near, come near. (Read: Luke 10:19, Psalm 91:10)

How can somebody succeed in separating a daughter of Zion from her husband? Who is that person? What is that thing that the person will use that the child of God doesn't have dominion over?

Jesus said, "Behold, I give you power to thread upon serpents and scorpions and over ALL the power of the enemy."

Nothing the devil does have power over you, unless you give it power with your fear which leads to your failure to exercise your dominion. (Read: Job 3:25)

That evil person(s) who would want to hurt us, they should be afraid of us not the other way round. As a child of God, you are camped around, hedged around, fully fortified by the Hosts of Heaven. Nothing, nothing shall by any means hurt you.

When the Word of God becomes second nature to us, we will walk in the true liberty of Christ. You'll throw away, 'the devil, the devil' mindset and adopt a dominion lifestyle.

So, when it comes to the issue of who works for you in your house, a demonic person is supposed to even run away from you and refuse to work in your house. Such a person is supposed to be uncomfortable in your house to begin with. The moment anyone begins to think evil towards you, your angels swing into action to protect you and "recompense trouble to they that trouble you." (Read: Psalm 91:11, 2 Thessalonians 1:6)

If someone can harm you by entering your bedroom, can't the person harm you by entering your living room or kitchen or by washing your clothes? Think about it? If ‘juju’ dropped in the bedroom will work, will ‘juju’ dropped in your living room not work as well?

It is time to throw this fearful mindset out and walk in the liberty of Christ.

Do you permit a househelp, maid, or cleaner clean your matrimonial bedroom? You decide what you want. Would you like to honour your mom and do as she says? It is up to you. But that decision should not be driven by fear of being harmed by anybody. Choose what is convenient for you or what you are comfortable with.


My pick of the world's sexiest man - President Barack Obama - don't you think millions of women and men - imagine him in bed with Michelle? How does that concern Michelle? Does the person have to enter your bedroom to imagine you having sex with your husband? And what impact does someone's wild imagination have on you? Can you control someone's thoughts? Is there even a limit to the imagination of man? The person can imagine you dead, sick, poisoned, in a fatal accident?

Our concern should be our own thoughts because it is our thoughts that become our reality. "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. (Read: Proverbs 23:7)" Let us think Bible thoughts, dominion thoughts, victorious thoughts. And most of all, let us align our thoughts with God's own thoughts towards us which are of good and not of evil to give us an expected end. (Read: Jeremiah 29:11)


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(c) 2013, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

3 comments:

  1. Fertility Rituals

    Marriage is one of the biggest fertility rituals Known in Indian culture. When two people get married. they are said to enter grihasta ashram where they are expected to bear children. satify their sexual urge, earn money and follow religious practices. Hindu marriages profess the idea of coming together of the energies and paving way to a new creation.

    Offering of Grains

    Throughout India, one thing that remains common to all communities is offring of grains in wedding ceremony. Mostly rice, puffed rice or whole grains, these grains are fed to the sacred fire in different ceremonies.

    Importance of Shiva's Bael leaves

    Holy Bael leaves are proffered in several ceremonies before the wedding and after it. In many communities in india, before the wedding day arrives, Bael leaves are placed in earthen pots which are topped with different kinds of cereals. After the wedding, the sprouted seedlings are then released in a flowing river or a pool. This ritual is performed to invoke blessings of Lord Shiva upon the married couple and pray for their progeny.

    Vishnu's pious Lotus

    As per mythology, at the time of creation of the universe, while lord Vishnu was pondering over the creation of mankind, a pious lotus rose out of his navel. On that lotus was seated Lord Brahma who paved way to the creation and illumination of the universe. Thus, lotus remains symbolic of procreation, birth and fertility. It is Therefore, offered during wedding puja to the gods to confer potency upon the couple. Also, At the time of a Hindu wedding, the bride and the groom are given the stature of Goddess Lakshmi and Lord Vishnu because they represent the eternal companionship and exemplify how a relationship between husband and wife should be.

    Nose ring

    Usually seen as a piece of accessory, almost all brides sport nose ring on their wedding day. In some communities, girls are told to get their nose pierced before they tie the knot.

    Sacred coconut rituals

    Across India, since time immemorial coconut has enjoyed its association with human fertility in a sacrosanct manner. In Gujarat, there is a ritual of bride presenting a coconut in a customary way to the groom at the time of the marriage. Here coconut is symbolic of the progency of the couple that the bridegifts the groom. Of all the fruits, coconut is most closely related to human skull because of the three marking on its base that resemble human facial features.

    The mantras of virility

    During saat pheras in a Hindu marriage, there are several mantras that are chanted for progency of the couple. While the first phera is for a long lasting companionship, in the second Phera, "Kutumburn rakshayishyammi sa aravindharam", the bride promises the groom that she will fill his with love and will bear children of him.

    The History

    There was a time when potency was considered as the be all and all of all activities. The earliest ritual of fertility among Hindus can be dated back to the Harappan civilization where it has been discovered that people worshipped clay figurines of a mother goddess who represented fertility. Several phallic symbols representing gods in sitting position wearing bull's horns (Bull being a universal symbol of male potency) have also been found at the sites of indus Valley Civilization. As the world evolved and ancient civilizations paved way to the modern societies, marriage started being considered as a mandatory ceremony before women could conceive. Also, the idea of marriage was propelled by the thought of having the family legacy move ahead; so that families could get heirs.

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  3. That belief is not Biblical in anyway. I don't know where people get that notion that sex is an act of worshipping God. It doesn't even make sense and it is causing inhibitions in Christian homes. Because Christians link worship with piety and soberness, people who believe these myths tend to approach sex with ‘reverence’ and hence so many Christians think any sex position outside the ‘missionary’ style is dirty. https://www.rebelmouse.com/neverlosehim

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