Friday, July 29, 2011


by Aziza Uko

Some of the teaching on premarital sex follows a dangerous mold. These are the issues.

Premarital sex and any other form of illicit, illegal sex (according to God's word - any sex outside marriage, sex with anyone one is not married to - is illegal) is sinful and dangerous. If all Christians (and every other human being) captured the full extent of the harm that wrong sex does to them, their bodies, their possessions, their position, and their wealth - they would run away and run far from it. Everybody would do whatever it takes to never ever fall into premarital sex. Sex outside of marriage is sinful, ugly, and unacceptable and will never ever be acceptable. I took time to make this clear because of what I want to say next, so that nobody will jump to wrong conclusions.

That is out of the way. Now this is the truth about sex.

The reason why God regulates sex is because of how powerful it is. Whether in marriage or outside marriage - sex is powerful. The idea that sex outside of marriage is not powerful is a lie of the devil. He sends out that lie for many reasons which I will explain shortly. That's why our Heavenly Father instructs us to practice sex only in marriage to protect us. Sex creates a strong connection between two people who do it. It is spiritual. Sex manipulates people's emotions towards love. Sex does cause people to fall in love, for real.

The power of sex is the reason why it's dangerous to have sex with someone before you are married to the person. Because sex causes you to fall in love and when you are in love, your judgment is beclouded. You no longer think straight, you begin to take decisions based on sentiments. You see nothing wrong with the person. Because every extreme emotion is blinding. That is where the world got the "Love is blind" statement. True love is not blind. It is emotional love that is blinding. Extreme hatred is also blinding. If someone hates someone, he or she sees nothing good in the person.

It's because of emotional love that people try to manipulate things and marry someone they know they should not marry. You see people making excuses for their fiancĂ©’s obvious lack of faith in Christ Jesus. Or trying to blackmail their pastor twisting the Word of God to suit their situation. Some will say that the Word of God says that the husband should wash his wife with the Word of God so, he will wash her with the Word.

Many Christian marriages are suffering because of people take sex for granted. They think sex is not powerful. Or they even make sex out to be something “carnal”. Some people even put forward preaching that seeks to reduce sex in marriage. Someone has preached to my hearing that “Not because you are married, you will think that you will just be having sex all the time. NO!” That’s rubbish.

Sex is a powerful tool, like no other. How can you explain a situation where 99% of the couples on the brink of divorce also say that they don’t have an active sex life? It is very very very difficult, if not impossible to break a married couple who have sex all the time. No matter how great the challenge, they always find a way out. Whereas a couple who don’t have sex can be broken up very easily by a meaningless matter like toothpaste or salt or sugar or remote control. That should tell you that there is something in sex.

Men have been known to fall in love with a prostitute that they patronized repeatedly. The man knows he is a prostitute, he knows she sleeps with many other men for money and suddenly he falls in love, next thing he wants to marry her, next thing you know he is fighting with other men for her, next thing he is introducing her to his mother. Everybody will be against his decision, he will not hear them. In fact, he will change his friends and quarrel with anybody who says he should not marry her. He will extract a promise from her that she has ended that life and she’s ready to be his wife. It’s amazing what sex does.

Christian men and women should use this powerful tool created by our Heavenly Father to make their marriages more enjoyable.

Christian wives, instead of trying to be perfect to please your husband. Perfect house, perfect kids, perfect food, perfect words. And still end up frustrated with your husband’s unfeeling nature or lack of appreciation. Change strategy and become perfect at one thing only and that’s sex. The situation will change.

If your husband is constantly complaining that you are not submissive and you know that you are bending back over to make him believe you are submissive. Stop trying to be “submissive”. Use sex, and you can sit on top of him, and slap your husband, he will say, “My sexy wife, slap me again.”

Stop praying that God should make your husband love you. Start being good at sex and he will do whatever you want him to do for you. He will do it before you even ask. If your husband is always finding fault with you and noting every single mistake you make. Start improving on your sex life and you will see a change.

Sex can reconcile a separated couple. If you are separated stop going around fasting and praying, looking for who will lay hands on you or deliver you. You don’t need deliverance. Stop sending sms or calling and begging. Stop disturbing your pastor and his wife, they have troubles of their own. Stop disturbing your parents, they need to rest in their old age. Stop begging for some days. Let him not hear from you. If he doesn’t want to hear anything other than you agree to end the marriage, no problem. Tell him that you want to meet so that you people can agree on how you will go forward with your separation. (Notice that that doesn’t say you want to divorce, or that you agree to the separation. Or “Let us meet and agree on the next step, since it appears as if the marriage is not working.” )

Organize your husband into a private space and make sure he cannot escape. Don’t beg for reconciliation. Don’t apologize. Concentrate on the business at hand. The story will change. He will ask you when you are coming home.

Sex can reconcile a divorced couple easily.

If you are constantly disagreeing with your husband on whose idea is better. Stop. Use sex. He will wake up in the morning and tell you that he has decided to go with your wise advice. Sex is powerful. Don’t underestimate sex.

I may have been talking to sisters more. But the truth is that it works for both sexes. Husbands who have wives that are impossible to please. Change tactic accordingly and the story will change. There is nothing as difficult to handle like a sexually frustrated wife.

There is nothing unholy about sex in marriage. Don’t let anybody deceive you into believing that there is something like too much sex in marriage. There is no such thing. God wants you to have sex all the time, ALL THE TIME! That’s His Word. All God is concerned with is that you do it with only the person you are married to. Sex in marriage never becomes sin at any point. Sex does not kill anointing. Sex does not make God stop speaking to you or dampen your relationship with God. The Holy Spirit does not leave you when you have sex with your spouse and return when you are done. Some stories are just plain nonsense. Those are all lies of the devil.

Possible effects of not realizing the power of sex:

Single people take premarital sex lightly. If you are a single sister, you can use sex to get married quickly to the right person. Your approach to sex can help you to weed out wrong men. Not as the world uses sex but as God intended it. No sex before marriage, no matter what. Once you do that, you begin to look beautiful in the eyes of all men and those who are coming to deceive you will fall aside and a real Christian brother who is looking for virtue will emerge.

Married people: It’s obvious. Marriage keeps your spouse captivated with you. It makes you closer. It helps you overlook weaknesses and your own weaknesses are overlooked also. Some complaints or quarrels are skipped because your husband doesn’t want to upset you during the day and jeopardize sex later. It makes your wife sympathetic towards you. It also reduces the possibility of falling into sexual temptation outside the marriage.

Because some married people don’t know the importance of sex, they deny their spouses sex frequently. Some even demand “self control” from their husbands or wives. That’s so wrong. It’s direct disobedience to the Word of God. Very few things hurt a man like being denied sex by his wife. He feels rejected and unloved. It’s not a good thing to do. Even if you don’t feel like it or unable to have sex, don’t reject him outright. Be kind and sympathetic and explain your reasons nicely and make a promise for the future.

Married couples are free to talk about sex with themselves only. There’s nothing vulgar or dirty about a husband and wife talking about sex. What is harmful is pornography. You can send sex sms to your spouse during the day. It’s not evil communication. Don’t be holier than God who included the Songs of Solomon in the Bible for us to see. There’s nothing wrong with a sms during the day telling your wife to get ready for a great night. Or a steamy sms to your husband telling him what will be waiting for him when he gets home. Or a sms to your wife telling her that she should not overwork herself during the day because you want her fresh and pretty for you when you come home. All these help to make your marriage sweet.

Get rid of unhappy, untidy, joy-killing environment in your bedroom. Things that distract you from each other should be removed from the bedroom like a TV or a work desk. Don’t joke about this. Take your privacy seriously. Don’t encourage grown up kids (once they can talk) to sleep with you. Take sex very very serious because God takes it very very serious.

Learn about sex. Don’t assume you know everything because you have children. Or you had premarital sex before marriage. Learn about foreplay and importance of communication and openness. Some single people think they know all about sex because of some premarital sexual encounters. That’s not true. Real sex happens in marriage. Every other experience is cheap and unreal. It’s in marriage you discover what sex is.

(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

1 comment:

  1. Aziza, where have you been with this beautiful piece?
    It is highly resourceful. I need to know you. I already tweeted the weblink for this article. Am blessed.