Friday, July 29, 2011


“There are times there are altar calls for singles in my church who wish to get married. I am always ashamed to go forward because I don’t want to look desperate. I am single, 37, and I have tried to get married a number of times, each time the relationship crashed. I have even done introduction for a sister, but the relationship still crashed. I am kind of desperate now, because I don’t want to end up 40 and unmarried. But, I still feel that going out for the altar prayer call for singles makes me look desperate. It’s usually ladies who go out for such things. Am I right?” – Brother James (not real name)

This is the story of many young singles. There’s nothing wrong in having a strong desire to marry. Just like there is nothing wrong in having a strong desire to have children or get wealthy or get a job or succeed in life. It is a healthy desire especially for young adults who have come of age.

There are some who try to make you feel comfortable with your singleness. Such people try everything to make you overturn your desire to marry and embrace singleness. Such teaching attempts to make you feel like there’s something wrong with your desire. There are others who make you feel terrible if you are single. Some even blame your singleness on you saying you have not yet come into your fullness, because when you do, you will marry. In the process of trying to make you feel okay about your unmet desire to marry, some even talk down marriage and sex. They try to belittle marriage and sex. Some even tell you that marriage is not a cure for loneliness.

Good news: There is nothing wrong with having a very strong desire to marry. Your Heavenly Father said it is not good for man to be alone, which means that it is bad for man to be alone. It’s that simple. He went ahead to decide to provide a solution to that “alone” status of Adam by saying, “Let us create an helpmeet for him.” This process led to what we know as marriage – a sacred and exclusive union between a man and woman. So, according to God’s own Word and wisdom – marriage is the answer to loneliness. So, if your Heavenly father says that it’s not good for man to alone and provides the answer – marriage. Why would a human being give you a teaching contrary to God’s Word? Who's report will you believe?

Such teaching comes about when people don’t have the right answers to your marital problems, they then want to console you and divert your attention from the problem at hand, so that you can remain under their teaching. It’s selfish. And the people who often teach these things are usually, always married. After they teach you how to remain single, they go home and warm their beds. Isn’t that wickedness? Isn’t it better to tell the people that you don’t have an answer for them rather than to mislead them?

This is what happens, any attempt to console yourself and divert your attention from your desire to be married and to have legitimate sex, and have children (like 1. Read your bible and pray 2. Get involved in social and charity activities 3. Praise and worship 4. Look for a hobby, etc. 5. Serve in the church 6. Learn self-control 7. Serve in your community 8. Get a closer walk with God 9. Get spiritual mentors) only provides temporary relief. After making these moves, you end up with an even stronger desire to marry. It’s amazing how people teach people to fight a God-given and acknowledged AND RESOLVED desire.

Have you also noticed that all the recommended options to helping you “enjoy” being single are not exclusive activities for singles? Every human being can engage in them, single or married. Also, if you observe closely, those recommendations are the same that are dished out to people in a bad marriage, people who are divorced, widowed, and teens. Isn’t it amazing how sometimes, we just embrace what we hear without taking time to just do a simple review?

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