by Aziza Uko
THIS WOULD BE just about the most unusual thing many would be hearing in a long time. We have been taught that trust is a primary element of marriage and indeed any relationship. We have been taught to build trust in marriage and that when there is no trust, a marriage is doomed.
Brothers and sister, this is to inform you that the devil has twisted God’s teaching on trust upside down as he is good at and has used this trick to cause confusion in marriages especially.
The devil has used the popular teaching on trust to trick many people. Trust is not an element for a successful marriage. It is the devil that has injected the belief that trust is needed in marriage because he knows that when he gets you to start hunting after trust in a human being – unhappiness looms.
The Bible doesn't teach trust as an element of marriage. Human beings teach it and such people also teach on how to deal with betrayal because anybody who trusts another human has betrayal in the person's future.
Trust is something to be given only to God who does not fail. As a matter of fact, God cautions against trusting man. He even said that He curses anybody who trusts in man. If your spouse is a human being, then she/he is not qualified to be trusted.
This teaching is often hard for people to accept because of years and years of conditioning that trust is necessary for marriage. And people find it hard to come to terms with a contrary teaching. But this is God's teaching - do not trust any man. Trust God only.
According to the Bible - what you need in marriage are the following - same faith in Jehovah, love, respect, patience, sacrifice, understanding, forgiveness, endurance, tolerance, frequent sex, and an income from the man to care for the needs of the home. Trust is not included.
Note* I have Pastor Chris Ojigbani’s permission to extract teachings from his books and teach them wherever I wish. The framework for this teaching is extracted from his book, “Relationship Secrets 101", I have compressed his thoughts here and also included my own words. At the end of the segment which draws from the book, there is a link to where to purchase this book. Pastor Ojigbani’s books can all be bought on Amazon.
What is Trust?
Trust means having confidence in someone or in something. The Hebrew rending of trust is batach and it means having confidence or assurance. The word trust in Greek is peitho and it also means to have confidence. So trust means the same thing in English, Hebrew, and Greek.
Trust also has the same meaning in other languages. Please note that we have one meaning of trust, which is to have confidence in someone or in something.
The Expectation of Trust
Trust does not exist without an expectation. Anytime you trust a person, you expect him or her to fulfill a particular expectation of yours. It is not possible to trust someone without him or her to fulfill your expectation.
If you were not expecting someone to fulfill your expectation, you would not have any need to trust the person. If you trust a person, it means you are expecting him or her to fulfill your expectation. It is your expectation of someone that will make you trust him or her.
E.g. Mary trusts her husband to not cheat on her with another woman. Ben trusts his wife to always tell him the truth. Anita trusts that her dad will not fail to send her pocket money before the end of each month. Laz trusts his pastor to treat his prayer request and take it up to God every night. Pastor James trusts his worship leader to be in church every Sunday. In all, each person has placed his or her confidence in the person he/she has expectations of.
Anytime you trust someone, you expect him or her to fulfill your expectation. And the expectation of trust is always an expectation of fulfillment, accomplishment, or perfection. Trust does not expect a letdown or a disappointment or failure.
Why Trusting a Spouse Doesn’t Make Sense
Trust does not expect a letdown, a disappointment, or failure. Trust expects fulfillment, accomplishment, or perfection. Anytime you say, “I trust him” or “I trust her”, it means you are not looking out to be disappointed.
While trust has an expectation of fulfillment, no one on earth can avoid disappointing you sometimes no matter how the person tries not to. While trust has an expectation of accomplishment, no one has the capacity to meet your expectations all the time. While trust has an expectation of perfection, nobody is perfect.
Everybody on earth is imperfect. No one on earth has complete knowledge. Our knowledge is in parts (1 Corinthians 13:9) No one is perfect. To be perfect means to be faultless; it means to be flawless. And since no one is perfect, no one is faultless. Everybody is bound to make mistakes.
Everyone is imperfect. No one has the ability to do things perfectly all the time. That’s why our God taught us forgiveness. A person may do things right most times but will certainly make mistakes sometimes. Everyone on earth is bound to make mistakes sometimes.
If someone is bound to make mistakes sometimes, it means that no one on earth can fulfill your expectations all the time. Someone may fulfill your expectations most times, but will surely fail you sometimes. Undoubtedly, no human being can avoid disappointing you in some way, no matter how hard they try not to.
Even with the best intentions, a human being could still disappoint you. Ironically, sometimes the very things the person does to impress you could end up disappointing you.
So while trust does not expect failure, no one can avoid failing you sometimes because no one is perfect. While trust does not expect a letdown, no one can avoid letting you down sometimes. While trust does not expect disappointment, no one can avoid disappointing you sometimes.
So does it make sense to do something that will lead to pain? No. Does it make sense therefore to trust a human being? No. Is it wise to put your confidence in an untrustworthy person? No.
It makes no sense to trust a human being, even your spouse.
... To be continued. Part II treats the scriptures on trust.
(c) 2011, Aziza
Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It
may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the
permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.