Friday, July 29, 2011

COMMON TEACHINGS ON MARRIAGE - RIGHT OR WRONG?

by Aziza Uko

"EMOTIONS FLUCTUATE, CHARACTER doesn't."
This is so wrong. Character can fluctuate. It’s not as erratic as emotions. But it is also not fixed. Many people have been disappointed by the “changed” character of their spouse after marriage. Some even say that their spouse was pretending. Not necessarily. People do change. What forms character is not fixed, when it changes, character changes accordingly.

"Emotions are in the soulish realm, and unless the carnal mind has been renewed, Satan can give us emotions or feelings of love for someone of his choosing. If he did not have this in his power, he could not split up marriages."
Satan doesn’t have this kind of power. He can't give anyone any kind of emotions. Our emotions are controlled by our thoughts. That is why if you have a positive perception of a person, you tend to love the person. If you have a negative perception of the person, you tend to hate the person. Satan doesn’t have the power to make a choice for you and impose feelings of any kind in your heart about the person. That’s giving him too much credit. You make choices on your own and permit thoughts that are unwholesome to remain in your mind and when they take root, they become the strong hold that the Bible talks about pulling down.

Satan doesn’t have power to split up marriages. Why marriages split up is because the people in the marriage think wrong things, believe wrong things, put wrong things to practice, and eventually take a final wrong decision that splits the marriage. Satan hates marriage, he hates peace, he hates man. If he had a tiny bit of power to split marriages, be rest assured that there would not be any marriage left in existence.

"One of his favorite techniques is to suddenly take away the feelings one once had for his mate and give feelings for someone else."
Again, you should know that Satan had no such power. Who would he spare if he did?

""Falling" in love is Satan's way. The very expression of these words should tell us something. A Christian should not blindly "fall" into any trap. Love is bigger than simply falling for someone."
This is kind of confusing and this teaching is the cause of a lot of confused feelings among Christians. Some Christians have come to equate intense emotional love as evil, causing many to hold back the very thing that God created to enable them keep their marriages. It’s amazing how the enemy turns things upside down. Emotional love is a good thing, created by God. But, God permits it only in marriage. “Falling in love” is not evil in itself. It’s falling in love with one that you are not married to that is the problem. It’s not actually “falling”, and it’s within your control to have emotional love for who you want. It doesn’t work blindly as the world likes to describe it.

"Certainly, the Lord gives us a wonderful emotional feeling for the one we are to marry. However, this "feeling" without God's direction can be disastrous as Satan can tamper with our emotions and feelings too."
Everything we do and have comes from God. But it is not like God is hanging around distributing emotional love in our hearts. He has given us power to love whom we want to love. That’s why He commands us to do it. If it were not so, He would have said that He will give us the power Himself, like He said He gives us the power to make wealth. In this case, it’s a command to do. Love is within our control. Don’t go praying for emotional feelings, think positively about your spouse, do intimate things together, be kind and considerate to your spouse and you will grow your emotional love. Satan can only drop thoughts in your heart about your spouse. Knock those negative thoughts out immediately they come and replace them with positive thoughts. He doesn’t have the power to “take away the love you have for your spouse”. You don’t have to have emotional love for the person you want to marry. God doesn’t require it. What He requires is that you love who you marry. God’s direction is generic – marry a Christian that YOU like. So, God is not going to direct you to any particular person.

"Marriage, in a Christian's life, should be based on a decision directed by the Holy Spirit. A Christian's love for another is a commitment."
The direction will never ever tell you, “Susan is your wife.” “Ben is not your husband.” The direction will come in the form of being led to have encounters with Christians you could marry. If you make a choice of a Christian, you will have peace in your heart concerning the person.

"Of course, the Lord will supply the emotions for the mate He sends, but that should not be the criterion for making the decision to marry. The Lord should be sought, and whatever He speaks to us we should do. He knows the future and what is best for us. If we trust Him He will not fail us in this or any other important area."
The danger of waiting for the Lord to speak the way we want is untold. Because He will not say whatever we want Him to say. He will never say someone is yours. He will not interfere in your right to choose. When you make your choice, He will not come and tell you “you are right or you are wrong”. If you are making a wrong decision, you will not have peace about it. You will be troubled in your heart about the decision. That’s a good sign to reconsider.


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(c) 2011, Aziza Uko. This work is the original work of the author and copyrighted. It may not be reproduced in part or in whole in any form without the permission of the author and proper acknowledgement.

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